Justin Bieber!

Justin Bieber... That name should ring a bell in this day and age for anyone; President to prostitute and me to your Grandma. Even if you have no idea who he is, you likely heard his name somewhere.

Its been quite a while since I last posted, huh? Well, I've been busy, what with college and all and I've been a lazy SOB too. Ah well, who exactly is waiting for the next post? But, the show must go on, dammit!

Anyways, Justin Bieber; judging by my age and gender, you'll probably assume I'm not a fan of his, therefore, I hate him, correct? WAIT! Before you stop reading, assuming I'm just another angsty Bieber-hater, hear me out; I don't hate him. *duh duh DUUUUUH!* As in, don't get me wrong, I can't stand his music; I find it dull, annoying and sometimes repetitive. But is that any reason to hate the person? No, not really. He could be the nicest guy in the world, for all I know. To me, he's just a guy doing what he loves and getting paid for it.

In this era of Twilight, Jonas Brothers and Bieber, the crowd that makes them popular outnumbers the rest of us greatly. My best guess is that people feel threatened by the numbers and feel the need to fight back against the odds. What's the best way to take away the enemy's morale? Kill their god (or write mean things about them on the internet), of course!

Purge the Bieber!

Therefore, you have people making fun of Bieber for his obscenely high voice and his inability to hit puberty!

My point being is that people will hate what's popular, for good reasons or not. Why? Because they don't want to be sheep, and that's great! I, for instanced, hated Hilary Duff. Why? Well, I just did. I ran into a crowd of people who did and I wanted to be "cool" like them, so I did. I didn't know why I hated her, I just did. In a way, I was still being a sheep; just one of a different color. When you hate things just BECAUSE they're popular or actually have an unreasonable hatred for someone, then that's when you become that type of sheep.

And not one as badass as the one above.

What I'm saying is that you should only hate Bieber's music. Don't hate him unless he did something really shitty (he may or may not have, I just have my head up my ass when it comes to pop culture). You're not impressing or shocking anyone by saying "Justin Bieber sounds like a little girl on helium!" And for the mindless fans; remember to respect differing opinions and don't be too much of a sheep.

This little rant was buzzing around in my head for two reasons...

1. I'm so damn sick of Justin Bieber jokes! And again, I'm not offended, but I'm just tired of hearing them from people who think they're being witty. They were funny the first time, but they're getting old and fast! Can't you think of something new?

They seemed to have taken to the place of Michael Jackson (rest his soul) jokes. Every two-bit chump has made, like, 20 of them (usually involving his voice), 'cause they're just too damn easy. Listen, you're not being witty and you don't sound educated. You're just making jokes about the new international punchline.

2. Really, what's the point? I know I said earlier that his music was annoying, but I'm not the target audience. I mean, it's like if I started hating teddy bears because I don't enjoy playing with them. It would be creepy if I DID! Therefore, I shan't complain of something not even aimed at me.

3. I once heard this rant coming from a person who was also not a fan of Justin Bieber, the Jonas Brothers or Miley Cyrus, comparing people who go on endless tears about them to 3rd graders bragging about how they're going to kill Barney because they believe it makes them sound grown-up. What are the odds? I was one of those in 2nd grade!

Come to think of it... Justin Bieber and Barney the Dinosaur aren't too different, are they? Both are popular, have annoying voices, sing horrible songs, but they're both kinda harmless.

How can you hate that face? Huh?! How can you?! I LOVE YOU, BARNEY! *cough* I mean, fuck the system! RAWR!

Anyways, my final point is that sheepishness swings both ways. I chose Bieber as the topic because he's one of the most popular and I've heard countless people squeeing about his hottness and others calling for his crucifixion. Remember; don't hate people without a good reason, don't go to the extremes of either side and don't be a sheep of ANY kind. Have a nice day!

And Justin Bieber, if you happen to be reading this, I've got three things to say to you...
1. Are you that bored? Out of all the posts and comments about you, how did you come across here? Do you google your name constantly?
2. I was kinda kidding with the insults. I don't enjoy your music, but hey, I'm not the target audience.
3. Seriously, how bored you?

P.S. Also, don't make fun of people for the way they look (Robert Pattinson is ugly! Justin Bieber is girly!); when you do that, you're being just as fucking shallow everyone else.

But would it kill him to use a little shampoo?

Dragon Ball Z (part 2)

Aaaand we're back! My apologies for taking so long, but now we'll get back to the original topic! What was I talking about? Oh yes, reasons why I don't like DBZ! Remember, I have plenty of *SPOILERS* so if you want to read DBZ, don't read this. Without any more delay...

No Point in Having a Group: Now as I've stated in the previous post, Goku and Gohan are more powerful than their allies, despite the fact that they had the exact same amount of training, due to the fact that Goku was born under the right star and Gohan was born in the right womb. Naturally, they win 99% of the battles in the series.
I ask you, what's the point of having so many allies, such as Krillin, Yamcha, and Vegeta, if they aren't going to that much use, except to provide cannon fodder? Now in my opinion, when you have a group of heroes, they should all provide an important purpose within the group, in a similar way to the protagonist or with an ability that he or she lacks.

I understand that as a protagonist, Goku has to get the most glory. Believe me, I do. But why can't any of the other characters get their moment of glory? Why can't they have any other use besides showing how awesome Goku is? As in, at least with Dragon Ball, it sort of started off as having team members be useful; Bulma and her gadgets often aided the group, and then you had Oolong the pig, who could transform. Basically, it was a basic group of brawn, brain and unique abilities...
But, as you know, brains have no place in Dragon Ball Z!


Time Skips: Throughout the plot of Dragon Ball and Dragon Ball Z, we see our characters grow older, going from, usually starting as young teenagers or young adults and going all the way up to being middle aged. Time skips are, as you can guess, used to skip over long periods of time between the aging and time periods between the arcs of the story. While I appreciate the fact that Toriyama for getting straight to the point, this does present one problem...

Lack of character developement! Characters will suddenly change, new characters will be introduced, marriage occurs, kids are had, and we're not shown any of it! I mean, how cheap is it to take two characters who initially hate each other, like, let's say, Vegeta and Bulma, and then TIME SKIP! They're now married and have a kid.

Or, how about, let's say, Goku dies AGAIN, and TIME SKIP! Chi-Chi now has a 7 year-old son named Goten with no foreshadowing or hints whatsoever.

Sounds stupid, right? Well, my good friend, those actually happened. One idiot I met tried to justify it by saying it's funnier that way; well, it's NOT funny! I got my smartiness insulted!




Brawn > Brains: Another flaw with DBZ; fights are not only repedative, but often in fights, only the ones who are the most powerful in brute strength will win. In Dragon Ball, this wasn't an issue, as Goku and others would have to use strategy and clever tactics in order to defeat their foes. However, in DBZ, equippment, where you fight and strategy matter not; all that matters is who is stronger and faster.
And as anyone can tell you, the humans biggest advantage is his BRAIN. Even in senseless action movies, the protagonist has to use his head. Not here, though.

Where's the fantasy?: This problem is rather small, but here's the thing; Dragon Ball was, for the most part, mythical. It had demons, dragons, shapeshifters and Goku's origins were a mystery. However, come Dragon Ball Z, all the magic was replaced with science; both Goku and his last antagonist, Demon King Piccolo were revealed to actually be aliens. Don't get me wrong, Dragon Ball had quite a few science fiction elements, but I enjoyed the mix of sci-fi and fantasy! Why take away the other?

How can anyone thing this guy is an alien?

Kids can do what?: This is also a minor problem, and that would be the children. No matter what arc of the story one is in, there NEEDS to be little kids. Why? Because kids can't relate to adults, that's why! That's what make Batman and Superman better; if they were kids!
Sarcasm aside, my sense of logic is thrown out the window when I see children around 7 years old easily fighting city-destroying monsters. Why? Because they were born to powerful parents and as we all know, skill is inherited. It's a nice message; if you weren't born under the right star, you have no hope of being as good as those who were.
Another thing that bothered me was at the end, Goku's granddaughter, a 4 year old, easily took down a 7 ft. tall bodybuilder. Now, either she was born with martial arts training inserted into her head or they basically groomed her into a cute little assassin...



Not sick at all.

Those are just the major problems. If I pointed out every minor problem, my blog post would be a mile long.
So, one must ask me, do I think Akira Toriyama is a bad writer and unworthy of his fame? To be perfectly honest, no, I don't think that. Along with Dragon Ball being a lot of fun, despite what I said about it, I've enjoyed many of Toriyama's short stories. I just happen to think DBZ is his weakest work. So, in short, I suggest you give Dragon Ball a try, but leave DBZ untouched.

XOXO,

Some guy

Dragon Ball Z

Salutations! Since I talked about Dragon Ball in the previous post, talking about the infamous Dragon Ball Z was unavoidable. Despite what I said about Dragon Ball, it was at least a fun read. This, my friends, is where all the fun gets sucked out. We have exited the park ride and entered the projectile vomitng. Metaphorically, of course
Ginger, anyone?

Now, for those familiar with the series, you're probably asking yourself, "What can this guy say that hasn't already been said?" Well, since I've read the manga and have not watched the anime, I shan't be talking about the constipation-slow fights or how entire episodes can be dedicated to a guy screaming.
ACTION-PACKED!


Now, I'm going to spoil a lot of things in the series, so if you have ANY interest at all to read DBZ, I suggest you stop reading. Right. Now.

For those not familiar with the series, I'll give you a briefing; It begins with the protagonist from Dragon Ball, Son Goku, now the world's greatest martial artist and all grown up, along with many of the other characters. Now, Goku is married to a woman named Chi-Chi (who he met in Dragon Ball, knowing her for a grand total of two days) and has a son named Gohan.

BUT THEN, a visitor named Raditz comes, revealing to Goku that he is his brother and that he's part of an ALIEN RACE called the Saiyans, sent to kill every earthling and sell the planet to other aliens! So, he kidnaps Gohan and Goku kills Raditz at the cost of his own life. HOWEVER, a new threat emerges, as the other Saiyans discover the death of Raditz and come to Earth to take matters in to their own hands. The other Saiyans consist of two men named Vegeta and Nappa, who are far superior in combat to Raditz, so it's up to Gohan to save the planet!
Awww, Raditz looks like a nice guy!

Or it would be, save for the fact that the author of the series, Akira Toriyama, thought fans would not like him killing Goku and replacing him with Gohan, so Toriyama decided it'd be best to bring him back to life. So, now it's up to Goku to save everyone from this huge threat! However, in order to defeat his fellow Saiyans, he must train harder!

Get the idea? Big threat is said to arrive. Goku and others train, the big threat arrives (who's so powerful, he can blow up the universe by farting) Goku is occupied and the others are forced to fight. Others hold him off pretty well, but then he reveals a 'true form'. True form is ALWAYS, visually, the least threatening and the smallest. Others get defeated by the true form. Gohan shows massive potential and, despite being 7, can easily hold off the true form. Goku arrives and enters fight, eventually defeating big threat.


Now that you understand that, allow me to tell you the first thing I hate about the series; That formula is what occupies the entire story, being used about four times throughout the series. In fact, the only one that's a little different is the first one, the Saiyan Battle! It's different in the fact that Goku falls during the battle and the others end up taking the Saiyan, Vegeta, down. Other than that, the other battles follow the same exact formula. So, the first thing I hate about the series? It's repetitive.
Which is boring.

Now, my friend, now that I've got the plot out of the way, allow me to pick apart what parts bothered me, personally!

Gohan: Here I was thinking that Goku was the boring, soulless Marty Stu in the story. Gohan beats him in that regard, no contest. Seriously, Goku at least had the flaw of being ignorant to the rest of the world and Gohan doesn't even have that. He's smarter than his daddy and has the pontential to be stronger than his daddy.Gohan SMASH!

Somehow, he has the potential to be more powerful than his father, being able to learn techniques at seven years old that Goku didn't even learn until he was in his late twenties. But you know what I don't get? Goku is more powerful than his allies because he's a Saiyan, a warrior race of aliens, right? And he married a human, right? Then, how do you explain why Gohan is supposed to be more powerful if he's only half-Saiyan? As in, that makes no sense! If you take booze and water it down, do you get stronger booze? No, you get much weaker booze! Therefore, if you put an inferior race into a race of warriors, you'll get a weak warrior.


Also, despite the fact that Goku's allies have trained alongside him for so long, Gohan is stronger than them, even as a child. Toriyama loves bruising his supporting character's egos, doesn't he? Some guy once explained to me on Youtube that Gohan is more powerful because he is a pacifist and somehow it charges him up and makes him more powerful... Which shows that people trying to defend this are idiots. By his logic, Ghandi could easily defeat Mike Tyson in a fight.Getting ready to kick some ass.

In short, I'm glad Gohan was rejected as the main character by Toriyama. I prefer Goku, the lesser of two evils.


Everyone is interesting but Goku and his family: Despite what I said about Goku and Gohan, Akira Toriyama is actually capable of making some interesting and flawed characters. For example, there is Piccolo Jr.; The final enemy of Dragon Ball, Piccolo Jr. was the son of Demon King Piccolo (later revealed to be an alien from the planet Namek), birthed for the sole purpose of killing Goku, born just as his father met his demise at the hands of Goku. During the events of DBZ, he stills holds onto his purpose of killing his rival. However, throughout much of the story, he's forced to join Goku to defeat a common foe. As a result of the many fights he endured alongside Goku and helping to train Gohan, he starts to go through many transformations, starting out as vengeful, then chaning to just being cold-hearted and finally, he ends up growing a soft spot for humanity.
Or then there's Vegeta! His story is similar to Piccolo's, only he's ten times more evil and a hundred times more insane! After his defeat to Goku, his pride as a Saiyan warrior basically took control of him. He cares for no one but himself and values his own pride above all else. Anyone who tries to get in the way of his ambitions will be crushed by him without even the slightest bit of hesitation.

Plus, he had one of the most badass lines I've ever heard; "My heart is pure... Pure evil!" Haha! Now, that was awesome!
But then, he later started to change. In the end, he started to care about people, such as the family he created on Earth (he married Bulma, FYI) and later even admitted that Goku was a worthy rival.
So, why couldn't these guys have been the main characters? They had flaws, they went through changes over time and, despite being aliens, they felt like real people. Goku and Gohan went through none of that. It saddens me when a writer shows he has abilities, but he doesn't use them.

Continued in part 2...

Introduction to Dragon Ball/Dragon Ball Z

Dragon Ball and Dragon Ball Z. What can I say about those two series'? I've been wanting to talk about them for a long time, but I know I'd have a lot to say about it. So, to prevent it from being too long-winded, I'm breaking it into two (possibly three) parts. Now, shall we dive in?

The plot of Dragon Ball revolves around a superhumanly strong little boy with a monkey tail named Son Goku. When he's found by a teenage girl named Bulma, he learns about the existence of magical orbs called "dragon balls", which, when gathered together, summon a powerful dragon named Shen Long, who grants the collecter of the balls a single wish. So, as you can guess, the two go on a quest to find them and make form allies with many unusual characters, which includes, but is not limited to...

... a Shaolin midget named Krillin...

... a bandit named Yamcha...

... and a transforming pig, Oolong.

The series, though, is not limited to the adventures of finding the dragon balls (especially considering that all of them are found by the second volume), as most of the series revolves around martial arts fights and tournaments or adventures that have nothing to do with the dragon balls.

Far as the artwork goes, it's actually pretty good; It's clean, appealing and has a unique cartoony style.

So, we have some fairly interesting characters, a not-so-bad plot and some good art. What's to complain about? Well, for the biggest problem, you need look no further than the first cover...

That's right, I speak of the main character, Son Goku. So, what do I hate about this obnoxious little bastard? He's booooooring! How does one make a monkey-tailed little boy with superhuman strength boring? Like any bad writer, you erase any trace of personality. Give him a "pure heart" (meaning, make it so he never sinned a day in his life).

Then, if you really wish to make the audience hate your character, bludgeon them constantly over the head with how special he is and how much better he is then you could ever be!

In short, Goku is a Marty Stu if I've ever met one. Why does he even have allies if they're not going to be as powerful or useful as he is? And I'm going to be honest; I don't throw around the word 'Marty Stu' often.

Also, his "pure heart." Having never sinned a day in his life basically means he has no flaws. Now, very few people don't know this, but; characters need flaws. And more importantly, they need their flaws to set them back a bit. Know why? Because it makes a character feel more human, which makes them easier to connect with. The reader will lose interest if he or she does not connect, you know? Then again, I suppose Goku DOES have flaws, but no one seems to notice or react like real people would, so it means not. Oh and if he has a "pure heart," then would someone explain to me something about the first thing he did in the series; Bulma parked her car a little too close to him and as a result, he flipped her car over and tried to kill her when she was about to fight back. Isn't attacking someone completely unprovoked count as something? A little something called 'Wrath'?

Pure heart!

Like I said, characters need flaws, but stop feeding me that "pure heart" bullshit.

But I digress. My comments so far have been a bit of a hyperbole, as Goku isn't an intolerable protagonist. He may not be a terribly complex character, but he's entertaining and can carry the story. He certainly would not ruin such a creative, fun and humorous series such as Dragon Ball. No, that's Dragon Ball Z's job! And that will be the subject for my next post. 'Til then, *salute*

Crazy Bones

Crazy Bones. You remember these things? What, you don't? Wow, I'm sorry, you musta been one of the LAME kids. But, since you're so cute, I'll explain it to you; Crazy Bones are game pieces/collectibles which were a huge fad in the late 90s. Well, at least in my school, they were the shit.
As you can see in the picture above, they're small hunks of plastic in the shape of weird, cartoony things.

Basically, Crazy Bones are based off some game in Ancient Greece or some such crap called "Tabas", where children would use the bones of sheep knuckles in a way similar to jacks or marbles. My best guess is that the founder of Crazy Bones thought something among the lines of "Hey, you know what'd make marbles more awesome? If they had FACES on them!" Here were some of my favorites...

Jaws: Guess what he's supposed to resemble? That's right, the E.T. poster!

Hippy: For the longest time, I thought this was a girl.

Nitro: Holy crap, a living missile!

Swirly: I was eight, this one's a toilet. Do the math.

Anyways, now that you've got a good idea of what these little things are, time for a story of my adventures with them! Sit the hell down. Crazy Bones started becoming a fad at my school when McDonald's started doing a promotional for them by selling their own version of the toys in Happy Meals.

Like normal Crazy Bones, but bigger, hollow and lame.

Most of the kids at school had them, because let's face it, we were all a bunch of little shits who demanded our parents take us to get some McDonald's slop so we could get our cheap hunks of plastic.

A common game we'd like to play with these was "Battle", where we'd put opposing rows of Crazy Bones and flick them at the other teams in an attempt to knock them all down. Of course, the McDonald's ones had to be pushed, 'cause their size hurt our tiny fingers when we flicked. I once thought that the big ones had the advantage against the little ones, but all they presented were bigger targets. FUCK!

One day, on my friend's birthday, he offered for us to keep his McDonald's Crazy Bones and revealed to us that he got the cool, small Crazy Bones.

So, naturally, I begged my parents to take me to Toys 'R' Us and buy some myself. Sadly, when I got there, I discovered that they only had Dragon Ball Z Crazy Bones.

The problem comes from the fact that the "Battle" game easily takes several episodes just to complete. Get it? 'cause fights in Dragon Ball Z take a long time! Haha! Oh, forget you.


Luckily, I had one called "The Great Monkey" (for those unfamiliar with the show, the protagonist could turn into a giant monkey) and it was a really powerful piece. With it, I've never lost a Battle! Eventually, I was able to trade it and thus, I started my quest to collect them all, or at least an assload of them.

Now, as a kid, I thought that since they had faces, they were sentient beings, despite the fact that I bashed 'em against each other for games, traded them without a second thought and put them in a cramped box. But, you know, I thought they didn't mind. Why am I telling you this? Simple; because I can.

Anyways, one day at school, the teachers decided that trading Crazy Bones was bad, so it was banned. WHAAAAT?! They ban Pokemon cards, then Gameboys and forbid "clubs" unless everyone is invited (What's the point of having one if you can't exclude people?) and now you take away one of the things that makes Crazy Bones awesome, just 'cause some lil' bastard starts bitching about how he's unsatisfied with the trade he made?! Damn you, school, you're pure evil...

Of course, I wasn't going down without a fight! Being the devious little bastard I was, I thought of a code word we'd be able to use in order to trade undetected; Borrowing. Obviously, my little circle had no intention of returning the trades we "borrowed", but how would the teachers be able to tell? After all, most kids who owned Crazy Bones had, at the least, twenty of them and all of them were the size of a quarter and the teachers don't have time to keep track of who "borrowed" what. Even if they did, they'd never know how long we intended to "Borrow".

In fact, one time the rich lil' bastard in our school (for the sake of privacy, I'll just call him Rich lil' Bastard) caught us and threatened to tell. I told him we were only borrowing, and he said "Okay, ou'll make sure you have the bwue one tomorrow." Hah, even as a kid, I thought he was being a moron. Like we'd let that little snot look at our collections! In your face, Rich lil' Bastard!

Sure, I was breaking the rules, but it was a BULLSHIT rule! And if there's one thing I learned through my life, it's that it's okay to break rules if they're bullshit.

Above: Me in grade school. What's wrong?

Anyways, as the years went by, Crazy Bones started to fade away like the fad they were, especially because they stopped selling them in stores, due to idiot kids breaking their teeth on them, thinking they were candy. As I got away from that school, my interest faded away as well and I just went on to collectiong other things. A few years later, I tried to get interest again, but it wasn't the same without other children collecting alongside me.

So, for awhile, I still had the Crazy Bones, but never did anything with them. Eventually, I sold my entire collection to some children for a couple of bucks when I moved out of state. At last, my long journey with these toys had ended and I could move onto greater things, like writing blog in order to scream about stuff.

These things are actually kind of creepy.

Giant Oily Turk

Okay, take a goooood look at that character. And yes, I mean the man. If you're not like me (that is to say, normal), then you're probably asking a lot of questions, most of them consisting of four letter words. "What. The. Hell." you're probably thinking. "A giant red man with some weird swimming-cap, little girls wearing the same cap and a woman in the background? Dude, this alone should be able to get people to stop using drugs."

I introduce to you Hakan, of the video game Super Street Fighter 4! And yes, that thing on his head is actually his hair. Those little girls are his daughters, so that means that they're not wearing helmets either. Oh, and that woman in the background is his wife, because unattractive women don't exist in the Street Fighter universe.

Alright, I should probably tell you a little more about who this guy is. As most people already know, Street Fighter games revolve around an international fighting tournament called "The World Warrior Tournament", and as you can guess, the characters are from all around the world, usually utilizing a style respective to their nation.
Recently, they came up with a truly awesome idea; a man from Turkey, who uses Turkish oil wrestling as his style! Genius! Here's his trailer, in order to make your head explode with the sheer amount of awesome.

As you can see, his moves are rather... suggestive. But hey, the Russian wrestler, Zangief, has been guilty of that since Street Fighter 2!
Plus, his catchphrase on the trailer, "Looks like it's time to oil up!" can be taken the wrong way with ease. Hell, if you had a mind half as dirty as mine, a thousand sex jokes instantly popped into your head the moment you finished watching the trailer. He's even become something of an inside joke.

Nonetheless, I think Hakan is an awesome character and they really used their imagination on this one, and it got me interested in oil wrestling.

But I must ask, why do half the fans of the game (the other half love him) hate him so much? They find him "ridiculous" or "stupid" or any other meaning of said words! Basically, they're telling me they're okay with a game that...

...has a stretchy and bald Indian guy (who, by the way, also has a hot wife)...

... a loud-mouthed, obese, kung fu master biker (for the record, he has a hot girlfriend)...

... and a Mexican chef/wrestler...

... but a giant oily Turk with an unusual haircut somehow crossed the line? Don't get me wrong, I love the characters I mentioned above and in the hands of a good writer, anything can be taken seriously. But if you can take those guys seriously, you can take a Turkish oil wrestler seriously, dammit! *sigh* People just don't like change, I suppose. That's why there are so many headswaps of the main character, Ryu, in the game and why his token headswap, Ken, is so damn popular. Okay, I can't resist this joke...

Ken and Ryu: Totally not gay.

I'm sorry, that wasn't very PC of me! I just couldn't resist! Yeah, I know I just made a joke like that, despite the fact that I just spent all this time talking about a muscular oily dude who was given seven daughters and a wife JUST to show the American audience that he's not gay, but still...

Anyways, the the thing I'm trying to say is that oddity is a gift and giant oily Turks are awesome.

"Looks like it's time to oil up!" - Hakan

Black Cat

It has been a long time since I talked about any specific forms of media, hasn't it? Well, now I'm going to talk about a certain manga I read that has made me rant and scream for two full years; Black Cat. What can I say? Negativety is fun and unnesscarily bashing things is even more fun than that.

Before we get into the good stuff (story and characters), lets talk about the art. Far as Black Cat goes, the artwork isn't that bad. It's structured nicely and never do characters look different from panel to panel, and everything is nice and 3-dimensional. However, there is one thing that it lacks, one very, VERY important thing; style. Imagine, if you will, a novel which is unmatched in terms of grammar and spelling, where even a thousand editors couldn't notice a single mistake. However, the novel doesn't describe things in a way that keeps you interested, stating only blunt facts in a completely monotone way!

That, my friend, is the art of Black Cat. To be specific, the artwork isn't really drawn in a distinct way, it's just the "manga" style, nothing more. As in, I can honestly say, if I saw some of the author, Kentaro Yabuki's other work, I wouldn't be able to recognize it as him. In short, it's the opposite of Afro Samurai; all structure and no style.

Following that, we'll begin getting into the good stuff. But first, a brief explanation of the story: Our little adventures take place in a modern/fantasy/futuristic fictional world. In the world, there exists an organization, which according to Wikipedia, is "dedicated to world peace," called Chronos. Among the ranks of these peace-fighters are assassins, thugs and even politicians. God knows why you'd have those to accomplish world peace, and why they act like more of a mafia than anything. Gandhi, these guys ain't.

Anyways, the story revolves around former-assassin *cough* er, sorry, I mean "Eraser", Train Heartnet, who was once among the ranks of the "Numbers" assassins in Chronos, his respective number being "13". The story begins with him having cast aside his once bloodshed-filled life for a more good-willed life as a bounty hunter *cough* I mean "Sweeper."

Okay, what's with the lame names for bounty hunters and assassins? I know "Eraser" is used because the assassins "erase" people from existence or some such crap and "Sweeper" is used because bounty hunters clean the street, but bounty hunter and assassin sound, you know, not lame. I'm just sayin', the other two names just sound too primative, like boomstick.

Anyways, back to the story; Train, as a "Sweeper", is teamed up with another Sweeper named Sven Vollified. While not as skilled of a marksman or a fighter as the former-"Eraser" (damn, I feel stupid saying that) he's noteably smarter and has a good idea of how to create weapons. The plot begins when they realize that an organization known as the "Apostles of the Stars" has risen and wishes to rid the world of Chronos and take the grand old Earth for themselves.

Train, of course, is connected to the leader of the Apostles, Creed Diskenth, and in fact, has a huge beef with him. What is the beef?! Well, Creed sliced his friend/love-interest like a pizza and the Sweeper is just a wee bit pissed off about that.

Not to mention, Chronos doesn't just let anyone quit their ranks willy-nilly. In fact, anyone who knows about the organization must DIE! So, on top of being a target-recruit for an old enemy (Creed admires him, despite the rivalry), he's also the target of Chronos, so whether he likes it or not, he's being dragged into the war between the two opposing factions.

Now, you're probably saying to yourself "The story doesn't sound that bad.", but don't worry, a bad writer (Kentaro Yabuki, to be exact) can fuck ANYTHING up!

The worst part about the stories are indeed, the characters. Before we dive into our final destination, I would like to warn you that what I'm about to say about the characters WILL contain *SPOILERS*, so if you're having second thoughts about actually wanting to read the series, do yourself a favor and read no further than here. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Without further adue, I present to you the cast (or, a good chunk of it) of Black Cat.

Left to right: Sven and Train. No, I'll spare you any gay jokes.

Train Heartnet: Often known as the Black Cat and Number 13 (Get it? 'cause they're both symbols of bad luck.), Train was once a well-known Eraser, but a Sweeper named Saya changed all that when she appeared into his life, causing him to often spare his targets. Creed saw this and believed his idol was growing weak because of Saya and killed her in vain hopes that Train would change back to his bloodthirsty self. Instead, Train was wimpified further and became a Sweeper.

In terms of skill, Train uses a custom revolver called "Hades", which he recieved for his rank among the numbers. Each of the Numbers recieves a custom weapon made of a SPECIAL METAL that cannot be broken or warped, under any amount of pressure or any degree of heat(God knows how they were crafted into weapons in the first place, but whatever). He's so good as a gunslinger, he can block bullets with bullets (Matrix, mofo!) and on top of that, he's also an excellent martial artist. So, in short, Heartnet doesn't fuck around.

Personality-wise, Train is a dopey, cheerful, carefree man... which doesn't even BEGIN to make sense, considering as an Eraser, he was a cold-hearted, bloodthirsty monster of a man who couldn't care less about human life! Are you telling me his personality did a full 180 over a couple of years? People change over time, but not that drastically! Did someone switch his meds or something? Or did he recieve a head-injury within that time (which would explain why he wears a collar that has a golden bell on it)? I would've taken those as excuses! 'stead, we get nothing! *pulls hair*

Also, as with all the characters, Train's personality is really inconsistant within the story. As I've said, characters will change over time, but when your character changes drastically on a dime, with no foreshadowing or explanation whatsoever, then all you have is a poorly-written character. For starters, on the first volume of the series (bear in mind, this is no flashback), he holds down a man and executes him out of revenge. The cries of mercy from the man fall on deaf ears as Train pulls the trigger and ends the assassin's life.

This act alone depicts Train as cheerful most of the time, but also shows that he's a stonewall to people he believes don't deserve life. Fair enough, right? Then, out of nowhere, he started not-killing his opponents, even they'd probably get the death penalty if he turned them over to the police. When did he decide killing was wrong? Nobody knows! Not even me, the reader, who's supposed to know, dammit! Also, he's supposedly "sworn by his duties as a Sweeper", but if he gets the itch to let the crook in question go, he'll do it without a moments hesitation, allowing the outlaw to one day strike again. Which also brings me to this...

Train really sucks at his job. You know when I threw a fit about incompetent villains? Well, incompetent heroes are just as bad! Again, I don't expect a hero to be perfect and flawless, 'cause that's boring as shit, but give me a little something, man! Give me something to put my faith into and make me feel the victory was earned! Or at least make me feel he's suited for the job he holds.

How does Train suck? Well, throughout the entire series, he and Sven never ONCE catch a criminal without outside-assitance. That's right, the former-assassin and trained bounty hunter couldn't even catch a dine 'n dasher without help (and I mean that literally) from someone with far less training than either of them. I'm just saying, the Sweepr thing obviously isn't working out for them, so they should consider some other occupation. Failures.

Then, when Train actually does take a foe down, including the main villains, who've murdered countless people, he decides the just thing to do is to leave the right where they are instead of turning them in or executing them. Yep, letting a ruthless murderer who will stop at nothing to achieve is goals run rampant through the streets, free to steal, kill and rape what he wants is what HEROES do!

A prime example of this is when Train is chasing down a criminal who shot Sven's adopted daughter just as a warning to him. The former-assassin states before battle, "I'd rather let a dinosaur run rampant than allow you to roam the streets." And after he defeats him by knocking him out, he just leaves him there. Niiiice going. And another example would be, well, every other villain in the series. Train sucks.

And another thing I have a problem with is, if he's against killing to the point of refusing to do it, why, why, WHY is he using a GUN of all weapons? Guns were made with the intent to kill people. They have no other purpose besides that! Personally, I'd have no trouble believing didn't kill if he used rubber bullets, boxing gloves or some sort of billy club, but nope, he just uses a revolver and regular brass bullets. Seriously, I think he must have a mental issue or something...

In short, Train sucks. Next character.

Sven Vollified: Like Train, his personality is as consistant as a lightning storm. Okay, he's not AS bad as Train, but he's still sort of guilty of the same sins. Unlike Train, he's generally smarter and more stoic, but he's also a gentleman and he has a good heart. And he smokes, has an eyepatch and dresses like a 1920s gangster, which makes him BADASS! That doesn't sound so bad, does it? And of course, if you're still reading this, then you know what's coming next, don't you? Yep, something bad!

Like Train, Sven also really sucks at his job and couldn't take a single criminal in as well. Don't you love bounty hunters who can't hunt bounties for beans? Not to mention, he suddenly decided he didn't like killing anymore, despite his primary weapon being a machine gun, and also, his prioraties are really messed up. What's an example of that? At one point, he and his adopted daughter, Eve, were fighting a pair of cyborgs during the climax of the manga, when suddenly it was revealed they weren't cyborgs, but robots (but later called them cyborgs again, because consistant writing is for squares)! Upon making this discovery, he said, and I quote, "So, you're not cyborgs? Then I have no reason to hold back."

So, ask yourself this: If you and one of the most precious people to you were under fire by maniacs who would turn you both to swiss cheese without a second thought, would you hold back? After all, what's more valueble; the life of your adopted daughter or the life of the monsters trying to kill her? So, basically, he lost sight of what was truly important and it was never made into an issue. Genius!

Last but not least, let's talk about his weapon! Being a gadget master, he uses a machine gun disguised as a briefcase, which also has various other weapons hidden within it. Sounds cool, right? Wrong! Just hold a briefcase and pretend the barrel of a gun is coming out of it. Now, I bet you're wondering how you plan to aim with that, correct? Well, my friend, you just figured out why it sucks! You see, because the gun lacks a sight, aiming will be almost impossible. To top that, Sven never holds it to his face, so that makes it even worse! Now, if his strategy was to mow down entire crowds, leaving not one man alive in a Rambo-esque fashion, that'd actually be okay. However, it's not; he tries not to kill his foes and he is aware that a target could easily take a hostage. Thus, it's a stupid choice of weapon.

Sven sucks less. Next.

Rinslet Walker: A useless character and a thief. Supposed to be a main character, I suppose, but has no bearing on the plot. Or personality. Next!

Eve: Ah, Eve, the Lolita bio-weapon, where shall I start with her? I suppose I'll start by telling you, the reader, about her, as usual. Eve, as stated before, is a bio-weapon created by sub-divison of the Apostles of the Stars. However, after that division is destroyed by Train and Sven, the latter decided to adopt her as his daughter. Cute, huh? And since she has powers, she decides to use them to become a Sweeper herself.

Eve is one of the most popular characters in the series, which makes my eyes roll so much, that I get dizzy. It's mostly because at the beginning of the series, she starts out as innocent on naive to the world around her, being in insolation most of her life, but then she quickly started to become a rude, snobbish and mean-spirited beast of a girl. Now, this is one of Yabuki's actually successful changes in a character; it happens gradually over time and there is a reason for it happening (increased intellect).

However, did he have to make her so unlikeable? For starters, she acts rude and snobbish to Train for, really, no apparent reason, despite the fact that he did most of the work in saving her from her previous home. Though, while she acts like this towards others as well, Train just gets the brunt of it.

I believe her worst offense was during the climax, when she and Sven were battling the previously mentioned cyborgs, she asks the one she's battling, "Did you chose to make your body like this?" Now, being a clone designed for assassination, Eve didn't chose to give her body the powers, so she figured it was the same case for the cyborg. However, he responded with this; "Of course! Who wouldn't want a body like this?" Then she destroys the bottom half of his body and pile drives him into the unforgiving stone floor, destroying his head, I'm guessing (Did I mention she has an anti-killing policy too? "Consistant writing? What's that?"). So good, when the cyborgs take over the world and eradicate humans, we'll know who gave them a reason to feel discriminated against for being different. It! Will! Happen!

I also hate her because, even though she's 11, she became a sex symbol for the series. Often portrayed on the covers in skanky outfits (i.e. a short nightgown, with a Sven doll being the only thing covering her naughty bits). Throughout the series, she becomes curvier and bustier, despite that there was no indication that time has passed. In fact, she's the only one who looked like she was aging. Don't get me wrong, I'm no prude and it'll take a lot to make me press the Pedophile Alert button, but still... It's creepy, that's all!

And last but not least, I hate her because she's pretty much perfect; not only does everyone she meet love her, but she's also obscenely beautiful, powerful and she has superhuman intellect! Plus, she's a living deus ex machina, with her nano-bots being able to do pretty much anything she wills. Speaking of her powers...

Basically, Eve has the ability to alter her DNA in startling ways, from turning her hand into a huge knife-blade to turning her skin into steel. How is this miracle achieved? Nano-bots in her body! Alright, I'm no scientist, but can nanotech really change your DNA that drastically? Is it even possible to alter your DNA completely? Oh well, even if it's impossible, I guess I can let it slide. What's an exaggeration or two? You'd better get used to it as well; in this world, nanotech can do anything and I mean ANYTHING, from creating weapons out of nowhere, to turning a grown man into a child. You know, science!

For a girl who's very existence is based off nanotech, is it any wonder I call her a living deus ex machina? Since nano-bots can do anything and she can manipulate said nano-bots at will, that makes her as powerful as a god, which in a way, makes her quite literally a deus ex machina. Get it? 'cause that means "gods of the machine", and nano-bots are machines and I compared her to a god. Heehee! Shut up.

Anyways, before I wrap this up, lets look at each one of her abilities and what I think of each individual one, shall we?

Body part where it comes from : Weapon that sprouts from it : My opinion

Arm : Knife blade : Badass!

Arms : Hammer head : Kinda badass.

Arms : Shield : Okay, cool.

Skin : Steel : Awesome.

Back : Angel wings : LAME!

Hair : Fists/Blades : Semi-lame, but can be cool when done right (It wasn't).

Skin : Regenerative healing properties : Okay, are you TRYING to be a deus ex machina?

Nowhere : Any weapon : How the hell is she creating a weapon out of the blue with SCIENCE? Doesn't she need to exhange a bodypart to create a weapon?

Legs : Mermaid tail : Okay, the lameness has overwhelmed me.

In short, Eve is even lamer than Train. You've been a good doobie so far, sticking with me up to this point. Don't worry, I'm only going to get into 3 more characters and these ones won't have much depth in their respective descriptions. Ready? Go!

Creed Diskenth: He's the villain. Need I go into more depth? Okay, fine; he's a dude who basically wants to take over the world and he's using an army of Taoist (who, in this world, have magic powers) to do it. While competent, I didn't find him respectable at all. He was a crybaby and whenever I heard his voice, I kept picturing him sounding like a punk of a child, trying to act tough.

He has the ability to make his tao energy go into a sword-hilt and create an invisible blade from it. Invisible lightsaber!

Also, something very familar about this guy... Aha! Chrollo Lucifer from a far better manga, Hunter x Hunter! The slicked back hair, the jacket, the Satanic symbol (Pentagram for Creed, Peter Cross for Chrollo), the pack of super-powered criminals fighting against a mafia; Yep, same character. Though, unlike Creed, I could respect Chrollo.

Oh and Creed gets away with his crimes unpunished. So, Creed also sucks. Next!

Kyoko: One of Creed's minions, she's a highschool girl with the ability to manipulate heat and fire at will. Though, bubbly and ditzy, she's also a complete psychotic killer, killing innocent people in the most horrifying ways just for shits and giggles. She also had no motivation for what she did, she just decided she wanted to kill people.

However, she later meets Train and falls in love with him, and he convinces her (reluctantly) not to kill anymore. She agrees and Train protects her from the assassins of Chronos who are rightfully trying to take her out.

So, surely she recieves punishment for all the lives she took, right? Does she die in a horrible way? Does she get locked up for the rest of her life? Or does she have to live forever in the Hell she created? None; she goes unpunished and gets to live a normal life. She didn't even so much as repent.

Moral? You can do whatever you want, as long as you eventually stop; your sins will never catch up to you that way. Why did this happen? Because she was the 4th most popular character. So, I guess the beautiful can always get away with whatever they want.

To put it in the perspective, just imagine that you're walking down the street one day. Then, suddenly, I come out of nowhere and start hitting you with a plank! After you're injured a good deal, I come to a complete stop and walk off. No apology. No explanation. No warning. Does the fact that I stopped take away from the fact that I stopped take away from the fact that I attacked you? Does it?! Don't you want justice for what I did? That, my friends, is what it was like.

Kyoko also sucks. She was smug, obnoxious and not a very believeable villain. Okay, last character, then I'm done!

Sephiria: The No. 1 of the numbers, Sephiria is extremely lame is design. She's an average-sized young woman with long blonde hair and a sword. OOOOOH! I know less is more, but seriously? Give me something to believe she is the grand leader of assassins, please! Cybernetic arms, a battle scar, an eyepatch, anything!

Like Train, she's also inconsistant. In her profile, it said she's willing to "dispose of anything and anyone to complete a mission" but in the end, she decides to let Creed go, despite the fact that her mission was to EXTERMINATE CREED! Gah, I'm being told one thing and shown another!

The characters are the worst part. On top of that, the plot is full of padding and constantly foreshadows events that never occur, the series is unwilling to step into the darkness when talking about assassins (they make it clear that Train never killed women or children as an assassin, just ugly old men) and it just rips off so much.

If you just want to watch a bunch of guys with bizarre weapons fight a bunch of guys with strange powers, I guess I could see no harm in that. You could read Scott Pilgrim, though, as that has a much deeper story.

My final conclusion? Black Cat blows! Want to read a good manga? Read Hunter x Hunter, as it is far better than this shit. Or watch Cowboy Bebop. Or City Hunter. Or any other anime or manga that it may have ripped off.

Incompetent Villains

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about one thing that most people love in a good story, be it a novel, a comic or a movie; the antagonist.



What is it that we like about antagonists? Perhaps because they create suspense and no good story exists without it? Maybe because, despite their nasty ways, they have philosophies that make sense? Or maybe, just maybe, we're secretly evil and want someone to relate to?

Whatever the reason, baddies are awesome. That's not to say I don't like heroes, I just appreciate a well-written villain.



Now, this is just my opinion, but from what I've learned and have seen for myself, antagonists always and I mean ALWAYS need to meet two requirements, be they human, animal or even something non-sentient. What are the requirements? Well...



1. They should be competent. Whatever it is they do, they should at least be good at it. That's not to say they should be perfect and never make mistakes, but they should be at least competent enough to let you know they don't screw around.



2. They should be a big enough threat. Whether they can break you physically, mentally or emotionally, being a threat creates suspense and a story without it is one that won't keep you interested, for then you'll know full well who will come out of the battle on top.



I have to ask; what is it about those requirements that are so hard? While most villains, setting aside saturday morning cartoon villains, can obey the requirements, I've seen a lot of them who will make me laugh because of how pathetic they are.

I've seen many of these villains do things like lose their spine and become pushovers during the final battle, die in an anticlimactic way, basically trip over their own feet, make an incredibly stupid choice or, worse yet, when they're nothing more than a comic foil.



Take, for example, in Twilight, the villain named James. Ol' Jimmy is a vampire (or Sparklepire, as people who are not fond of the Twilight series would call them) who loves hunting exotic prey for his din-din. Unfortunately for our heroine, Bella Swan, she happens to smell like Kobe beef to vampires and James has his eyes set on her, so it's up to her vampire boyfriend, Edward Cullen, and his family to protect her from being sucked dry by Jimmy. I'm intimidated.


Sounds badass, right? I mean, SURE, he sparkles, but by that time in the book, you really wanna see Edward and Bella get torn apart, right? Plus, he also has superhuman strength and speed and he's supposedly more powerful than the heroes, right? And he shows it by totally breaking Edward in a one-on-one fight. Sadly, he was no match for a deus ex machina... the Cullen's arrived, and with ease, tore him apart and lit him on fire. Not so tough when outnumbered seven-to-one, huh, bitch?!

If he was a competently written villain, who would have done one of three things...

1. Had help. He traveled with two other vamps, including his girlfriend, and he knew how many Cullen's there were, so he should have considered that an ambush was possible. If he had his companions aid him, he may have gotten out alive.



2. Realize he was being overwhelmed and flee. Not the most dignified route, but it would have been smart and all is fair when you're being ganged up on. It'd give him later chances to ambush our heroes when they're alone or grow stronger in order to fight them all off.



3. Fought them off tooth and nail. I just gotta say, if you're going to have your villain lose because he was outnumbered, you'd better have him put up a REALLY good fight. And I mean, the heroes have to operate like a single machine in order to even get a single strike on the bastard! That'd let your reader know that the villain doesn't fuck around!



So, James was disappointing. Aside from the boring and annoying characters, the plotholes (or craters, if you will), the romance that's as healthy as cancer, the horrible plot (or, lack thereof) and great violations of the "Show, don't tell" rule, THAT is what made me hate Twilight!





Another example would be a villain from the famous manga, Naruto. I'm not going to name him, for I don't want to give anything away (despite the fact that I hate the Naruto), so I'm just going to call him O. Basically, O was a very powerful villain, who even successfully took down one of the most powerful characters in the series. Far as villains go, he was pretty cool; he was interesting, threatening and was pretty good at what he did. Why do I mention him? Well, later in the series, he's bed-ridden and sickly and he gets decapitated by one of the most obnoxious characters in the series instead of getting a well-deserved final battle.

This isn't so much as an incompetent villain, as it is an author who has no respect for his villains. Seriously, it's like if Darth Vader broke his neck getting out of the tub. Just not a suiting demise for a badass baddie, y'know?



See what I mean? Those villains did have SOME cool traits, but due to bad writing, they didn't get what they deserved or became laughably incompetent. In short, show more respect to the villain! He's there to create suspense, you know.



I apologize if the grammar isn't the best or if I rambled on a bit, but I'm a little addle brained after vacation. Thus, I'd like to conclude this rant about stuff. See'ya around!

We All Start Somewhere

I'm going to let you in on something: I love to write. While I pretty much enjoy anything, my fondness for writing stories grew more than anything. Will I ever show you any stories via this blog? Maaaaaybe.

Now, as anyone can tell you, even the greatest of writers had to start somewhere before they started writing anything good. If you've ever written anything, what was your first story like? Was it stupid as all hell? Was it full of plotholes? Was it loaded with popculture references? Or was it so angsty, your emo friend would read it and say, "Dude, lighten up." Well, my friend, I'm happy to say, my first story, Travels of the Warrior Maiden, had all those! Heehee! Shut up, it's in the past!

Anyways, I'm about to take you on a journey, way back before I actually wrote down the ideas I had, back when I was a teeny, tiny boy whose age was in the single digits! My friend, this is the story of a 2nd grader's brainchild: Lasersquirrel. Yes, you heard that right; Lasersquirrel. If that name is not enough to make your mind explode with the sheer amount of awesome, wait 'til I tell who and what he is.

But before that, a brief history: Like many children at that age, I only used my brain for one reason, and that was because I was being forced to use it by my NASTY teacher! How dare she make me think?! Anyways, we were assigned to create some sort of creature, and as a result, this horrid abomination popped out of my head...

Lasersquirrel, as his name suggests, is a squirrel, and a damn happy one at that! He lived in a tree with his parents (never moved out, the lazy bastard), until one day, EVIL SCIENTISTS kidnapped him and took him back to their lab. What did they do to him, you ask? Why, what any scientist worth his money would do; put him into a full human-shaped bionic body, of course!

Now, for the record, I made this in the 90s, when the Pokemon craze was at its most prominent (and if you weren't a fan, you were LAME!), so naturally, I had to rip it off somehow. So, I decided I would rip off the beginning of "Pokemon: The First Movie" in my own epic masterpiece.

LS, realizing he's now a cyborg, blows the crap out of the lab. Whose bright idea was it to give a bionic body to a wild animal? Dumbass. Anyways, Six Million Dollar Squirrel returns to his home only to discover that his parents were killed by *duh duh DUUUUH* POACHERS! Yes, apparently, a band of poachers thought things like ivory and crocodile skin were worthless and decided that the real money was in the squirrels!

Aaaand, that's really as far as story goes. I only wrote, like, one page of "comic," and that's cause my teacher made me. Damn you, school system, does your evil know no bounds?! Oh and he also had two allies (a cyborg gopher and a cyborg rabbit), but who cares about them? They suck!

As a litte bonus, I'm going to tell you a little about our cybernetic rodent: Physically, Lasersquirrel looks like a large, bipedal robot with a triangular body, pointed feet and razor sharp claws on each of his hands. On top of his body rested a glass dome filled with some sorta liquid (water, enbalming fluid, maple syrup), where his lil' squirrelly head floated in the center. To be honest, when I drew his head, he looked more like a cat, not to mention, he had no mouth nor does he have a nose; as a matter of fact, his eyes were replaced with a visor.
What's keeping his head from bobbing to the top of the dome? Uhm, shut the hell up, that's what.

Also, I should add, when he was put into the bionic body, his torso was slipped into the metal torso and his head was removed and put into the dome. 'cause, y'know, that makes perfect sense.

He's a cyborg, so naturally, he'll have some cool abilities, right? Right! On top of his incredible strength, he also had kitchen knife-like blades instead of fingers (Edward Scissorsquirrel), cause claws are much more practical than fingers. Also, true to his name, he can shoot LASERS from his eyes! Which stops being cool when you realize he's wearing a glass dome, and therefore, would severly impare his aim.

An' who are his antagonists?! Bear Bio-Tank? The Missle Shootin' Fox? Well, I never wrote antagonists; at that age, I had no respect for an awesome villain, and as a result, never wrote one. So, it was just the brooding, bionic squirrel...

So, why am I telling you this? I've no idea, actually! I was just thinking about it and I realized you should never ignore your past, because it lets you know how far you've come and (insert other cliche line here). So, yeah, I hope you enjoyed learning about my brilliant creation.

Thanks for readin'!

Oh, and did I mention he fed off fish?