Crazy Bones. You remember these things? What, you don't? Wow, I'm sorry, you musta been one of the LAME kids. But, since you're so cute, I'll explain it to you; Crazy Bones are game pieces/collectibles which were a huge fad in the late 90s. Well, at least in my school, they were the shit.
As you can see in the picture above, they're small hunks of plastic in the shape of weird, cartoony things.
Basically, Crazy Bones are based off some game in Ancient Greece or some such crap called "Tabas", where children would use the bones of sheep knuckles in a way similar to jacks or marbles. My best guess is that the founder of Crazy Bones thought something among the lines of "Hey, you know what'd make marbles more awesome? If they had FACES on them!" Here were some of my favorites...
Hippy: For the longest time, I thought this was a girl.
Nitro: Holy crap, a living missile!
Swirly: I was eight, this one's a toilet. Do the math.
Anyways, now that you've got a good idea of what these little things are, time for a story of my adventures with them! Sit the hell down. Crazy Bones started becoming a fad at my school when McDonald's started doing a promotional for them by selling their own version of the toys in Happy Meals.
Most of the kids at school had them, because let's face it, we were all a bunch of little shits who demanded our parents take us to get some McDonald's slop so we could get our cheap hunks of plastic.
A common game we'd like to play with these was "Battle", where we'd put opposing rows of Crazy Bones and flick them at the other teams in an attempt to knock them all down. Of course, the McDonald's ones had to be pushed, 'cause their size hurt our tiny fingers when we flicked. I once thought that the big ones had the advantage against the little ones, but all they presented were bigger targets. FUCK!
One day, on my friend's birthday, he offered for us to keep his McDonald's Crazy Bones and revealed to us that he got the cool, small Crazy Bones.
So, naturally, I begged my parents to take me to Toys 'R' Us and buy some myself. Sadly, when I got there, I discovered that they only had Dragon Ball Z Crazy Bones.
The problem comes from the fact that the "Battle" game easily takes several episodes just to complete. Get it? 'cause fights in Dragon Ball Z take a long time! Haha! Oh, forget you.Luckily, I had one called "The Great Monkey" (for those unfamiliar with the show, the protagonist could turn into a giant monkey) and it was a really powerful piece. With it, I've never lost a Battle! Eventually, I was able to trade it and thus, I started my quest to collect them all, or at least an assload of them.
Now, as a kid, I thought that since they had faces, they were sentient beings, despite the fact that I bashed 'em against each other for games, traded them without a second thought and put them in a cramped box. But, you know, I thought they didn't mind. Why am I telling you this? Simple; because I can.
Anyways, one day at school, the teachers decided that trading Crazy Bones was bad, so it was banned. WHAAAAT?! They ban Pokemon cards, then Gameboys and forbid "clubs" unless everyone is invited (What's the point of having one if you can't exclude people?) and now you take away one of the things that makes Crazy Bones awesome, just 'cause some lil' bastard starts bitching about how he's unsatisfied with the trade he made?! Damn you, school, you're pure evil...
Of course, I wasn't going down without a fight! Being the devious little bastard I was, I thought of a code word we'd be able to use in order to trade undetected; Borrowing. Obviously, my little circle had no intention of returning the trades we "borrowed", but how would the teachers be able to tell? After all, most kids who owned Crazy Bones had, at the least, twenty of them and all of them were the size of a quarter and the teachers don't have time to keep track of who "borrowed" what. Even if they did, they'd never know how long we intended to "Borrow".
In fact, one time the rich lil' bastard in our school (for the sake of privacy, I'll just call him Rich lil' Bastard) caught us and threatened to tell. I told him we were only borrowing, and he said "Okay, ou'll make sure you have the bwue one tomorrow." Hah, even as a kid, I thought he was being a moron. Like we'd let that little snot look at our collections! In your face, Rich lil' Bastard!
Sure, I was breaking the rules, but it was a BULLSHIT rule! And if there's one thing I learned through my life, it's that it's okay to break rules if they're bullshit.
Anyways, as the years went by, Crazy Bones started to fade away like the fad they were, especially because they stopped selling them in stores, due to idiot kids breaking their teeth on them, thinking they were candy. As I got away from that school, my interest faded away as well and I just went on to collectiong other things. A few years later, I tried to get interest again, but it wasn't the same without other children collecting alongside me.
So, for awhile, I still had the Crazy Bones, but never did anything with them. Eventually, I sold my entire collection to some children for a couple of bucks when I moved out of state. At last, my long journey with these toys had ended and I could move onto greater things, like writing blog in order to scream about stuff.
These things are actually kind of creepy.
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