I'm going to let you in on something: I love to write. While I pretty much enjoy anything, my fondness for writing stories grew more than anything. Will I ever show you any stories via this blog? Maaaaaybe.
Now, as anyone can tell you, even the greatest of writers had to start somewhere before they started writing anything good. If you've ever written anything, what was your first story like? Was it stupid as all hell? Was it full of plotholes? Was it loaded with popculture references? Or was it so angsty, your emo friend would read it and say, "Dude, lighten up." Well, my friend, I'm happy to say, my first story, Travels of the Warrior Maiden, had all those! Heehee! Shut up, it's in the past!
Anyways, I'm about to take you on a journey, way back before I actually wrote down the ideas I had, back when I was a teeny, tiny boy whose age was in the single digits! My friend, this is the story of a 2nd grader's brainchild: Lasersquirrel. Yes, you heard that right; Lasersquirrel. If that name is not enough to make your mind explode with the sheer amount of awesome, wait 'til I tell who and what he is.
But before that, a brief history: Like many children at that age, I only used my brain for one reason, and that was because I was being forced to use it by my NASTY teacher! How dare she make me think?! Anyways, we were assigned to create some sort of creature, and as a result, this horrid abomination popped out of my head...
Lasersquirrel, as his name suggests, is a squirrel, and a damn happy one at that! He lived in a tree with his parents (never moved out, the lazy bastard), until one day, EVIL SCIENTISTS kidnapped him and took him back to their lab. What did they do to him, you ask? Why, what any scientist worth his money would do; put him into a full human-shaped bionic body, of course!
Now, for the record, I made this in the 90s, when the Pokemon craze was at its most prominent (and if you weren't a fan, you were LAME!), so naturally, I had to rip it off somehow. So, I decided I would rip off the beginning of "Pokemon: The First Movie" in my own epic masterpiece.
LS, realizing he's now a cyborg, blows the crap out of the lab. Whose bright idea was it to give a bionic body to a wild animal? Dumbass. Anyways, Six Million Dollar Squirrel returns to his home only to discover that his parents were killed by *duh duh DUUUUH* POACHERS! Yes, apparently, a band of poachers thought things like ivory and crocodile skin were worthless and decided that the real money was in the squirrels!
Aaaand, that's really as far as story goes. I only wrote, like, one page of "comic," and that's cause my teacher made me. Damn you, school system, does your evil know no bounds?! Oh and he also had two allies (a cyborg gopher and a cyborg rabbit), but who cares about them? They suck!
As a litte bonus, I'm going to tell you a little about our cybernetic rodent: Physically, Lasersquirrel looks like a large, bipedal robot with a triangular body, pointed feet and razor sharp claws on each of his hands. On top of his body rested a glass dome filled with some sorta liquid (water, enbalming fluid, maple syrup), where his lil' squirrelly head floated in the center. To be honest, when I drew his head, he looked more like a cat, not to mention, he had no mouth nor does he have a nose; as a matter of fact, his eyes were replaced with a visor.
What's keeping his head from bobbing to the top of the dome? Uhm, shut the hell up, that's what.
Also, I should add, when he was put into the bionic body, his torso was slipped into the metal torso and his head was removed and put into the dome. 'cause, y'know, that makes perfect sense.
He's a cyborg, so naturally, he'll have some cool abilities, right? Right! On top of his incredible strength, he also had kitchen knife-like blades instead of fingers (Edward Scissorsquirrel), cause claws are much more practical than fingers. Also, true to his name, he can shoot LASERS from his eyes! Which stops being cool when you realize he's wearing a glass dome, and therefore, would severly impare his aim.
An' who are his antagonists?! Bear Bio-Tank? The Missle Shootin' Fox? Well, I never wrote antagonists; at that age, I had no respect for an awesome villain, and as a result, never wrote one. So, it was just the brooding, bionic squirrel...
So, why am I telling you this? I've no idea, actually! I was just thinking about it and I realized you should never ignore your past, because it lets you know how far you've come and (insert other cliche line here). So, yeah, I hope you enjoyed learning about my brilliant creation.
Thanks for readin'!
Oh, and did I mention he fed off fish?
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