Black Cat

It has been a long time since I talked about any specific forms of media, hasn't it? Well, now I'm going to talk about a certain manga I read that has made me rant and scream for two full years; Black Cat. What can I say? Negativety is fun and unnesscarily bashing things is even more fun than that.

Before we get into the good stuff (story and characters), lets talk about the art. Far as Black Cat goes, the artwork isn't that bad. It's structured nicely and never do characters look different from panel to panel, and everything is nice and 3-dimensional. However, there is one thing that it lacks, one very, VERY important thing; style. Imagine, if you will, a novel which is unmatched in terms of grammar and spelling, where even a thousand editors couldn't notice a single mistake. However, the novel doesn't describe things in a way that keeps you interested, stating only blunt facts in a completely monotone way!

That, my friend, is the art of Black Cat. To be specific, the artwork isn't really drawn in a distinct way, it's just the "manga" style, nothing more. As in, I can honestly say, if I saw some of the author, Kentaro Yabuki's other work, I wouldn't be able to recognize it as him. In short, it's the opposite of Afro Samurai; all structure and no style.

Following that, we'll begin getting into the good stuff. But first, a brief explanation of the story: Our little adventures take place in a modern/fantasy/futuristic fictional world. In the world, there exists an organization, which according to Wikipedia, is "dedicated to world peace," called Chronos. Among the ranks of these peace-fighters are assassins, thugs and even politicians. God knows why you'd have those to accomplish world peace, and why they act like more of a mafia than anything. Gandhi, these guys ain't.

Anyways, the story revolves around former-assassin *cough* er, sorry, I mean "Eraser", Train Heartnet, who was once among the ranks of the "Numbers" assassins in Chronos, his respective number being "13". The story begins with him having cast aside his once bloodshed-filled life for a more good-willed life as a bounty hunter *cough* I mean "Sweeper."

Okay, what's with the lame names for bounty hunters and assassins? I know "Eraser" is used because the assassins "erase" people from existence or some such crap and "Sweeper" is used because bounty hunters clean the street, but bounty hunter and assassin sound, you know, not lame. I'm just sayin', the other two names just sound too primative, like boomstick.

Anyways, back to the story; Train, as a "Sweeper", is teamed up with another Sweeper named Sven Vollified. While not as skilled of a marksman or a fighter as the former-"Eraser" (damn, I feel stupid saying that) he's noteably smarter and has a good idea of how to create weapons. The plot begins when they realize that an organization known as the "Apostles of the Stars" has risen and wishes to rid the world of Chronos and take the grand old Earth for themselves.

Train, of course, is connected to the leader of the Apostles, Creed Diskenth, and in fact, has a huge beef with him. What is the beef?! Well, Creed sliced his friend/love-interest like a pizza and the Sweeper is just a wee bit pissed off about that.

Not to mention, Chronos doesn't just let anyone quit their ranks willy-nilly. In fact, anyone who knows about the organization must DIE! So, on top of being a target-recruit for an old enemy (Creed admires him, despite the rivalry), he's also the target of Chronos, so whether he likes it or not, he's being dragged into the war between the two opposing factions.

Now, you're probably saying to yourself "The story doesn't sound that bad.", but don't worry, a bad writer (Kentaro Yabuki, to be exact) can fuck ANYTHING up!

The worst part about the stories are indeed, the characters. Before we dive into our final destination, I would like to warn you that what I'm about to say about the characters WILL contain *SPOILERS*, so if you're having second thoughts about actually wanting to read the series, do yourself a favor and read no further than here. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Without further adue, I present to you the cast (or, a good chunk of it) of Black Cat.

Left to right: Sven and Train. No, I'll spare you any gay jokes.

Train Heartnet: Often known as the Black Cat and Number 13 (Get it? 'cause they're both symbols of bad luck.), Train was once a well-known Eraser, but a Sweeper named Saya changed all that when she appeared into his life, causing him to often spare his targets. Creed saw this and believed his idol was growing weak because of Saya and killed her in vain hopes that Train would change back to his bloodthirsty self. Instead, Train was wimpified further and became a Sweeper.

In terms of skill, Train uses a custom revolver called "Hades", which he recieved for his rank among the numbers. Each of the Numbers recieves a custom weapon made of a SPECIAL METAL that cannot be broken or warped, under any amount of pressure or any degree of heat(God knows how they were crafted into weapons in the first place, but whatever). He's so good as a gunslinger, he can block bullets with bullets (Matrix, mofo!) and on top of that, he's also an excellent martial artist. So, in short, Heartnet doesn't fuck around.

Personality-wise, Train is a dopey, cheerful, carefree man... which doesn't even BEGIN to make sense, considering as an Eraser, he was a cold-hearted, bloodthirsty monster of a man who couldn't care less about human life! Are you telling me his personality did a full 180 over a couple of years? People change over time, but not that drastically! Did someone switch his meds or something? Or did he recieve a head-injury within that time (which would explain why he wears a collar that has a golden bell on it)? I would've taken those as excuses! 'stead, we get nothing! *pulls hair*

Also, as with all the characters, Train's personality is really inconsistant within the story. As I've said, characters will change over time, but when your character changes drastically on a dime, with no foreshadowing or explanation whatsoever, then all you have is a poorly-written character. For starters, on the first volume of the series (bear in mind, this is no flashback), he holds down a man and executes him out of revenge. The cries of mercy from the man fall on deaf ears as Train pulls the trigger and ends the assassin's life.

This act alone depicts Train as cheerful most of the time, but also shows that he's a stonewall to people he believes don't deserve life. Fair enough, right? Then, out of nowhere, he started not-killing his opponents, even they'd probably get the death penalty if he turned them over to the police. When did he decide killing was wrong? Nobody knows! Not even me, the reader, who's supposed to know, dammit! Also, he's supposedly "sworn by his duties as a Sweeper", but if he gets the itch to let the crook in question go, he'll do it without a moments hesitation, allowing the outlaw to one day strike again. Which also brings me to this...

Train really sucks at his job. You know when I threw a fit about incompetent villains? Well, incompetent heroes are just as bad! Again, I don't expect a hero to be perfect and flawless, 'cause that's boring as shit, but give me a little something, man! Give me something to put my faith into and make me feel the victory was earned! Or at least make me feel he's suited for the job he holds.

How does Train suck? Well, throughout the entire series, he and Sven never ONCE catch a criminal without outside-assitance. That's right, the former-assassin and trained bounty hunter couldn't even catch a dine 'n dasher without help (and I mean that literally) from someone with far less training than either of them. I'm just saying, the Sweepr thing obviously isn't working out for them, so they should consider some other occupation. Failures.

Then, when Train actually does take a foe down, including the main villains, who've murdered countless people, he decides the just thing to do is to leave the right where they are instead of turning them in or executing them. Yep, letting a ruthless murderer who will stop at nothing to achieve is goals run rampant through the streets, free to steal, kill and rape what he wants is what HEROES do!

A prime example of this is when Train is chasing down a criminal who shot Sven's adopted daughter just as a warning to him. The former-assassin states before battle, "I'd rather let a dinosaur run rampant than allow you to roam the streets." And after he defeats him by knocking him out, he just leaves him there. Niiiice going. And another example would be, well, every other villain in the series. Train sucks.

And another thing I have a problem with is, if he's against killing to the point of refusing to do it, why, why, WHY is he using a GUN of all weapons? Guns were made with the intent to kill people. They have no other purpose besides that! Personally, I'd have no trouble believing didn't kill if he used rubber bullets, boxing gloves or some sort of billy club, but nope, he just uses a revolver and regular brass bullets. Seriously, I think he must have a mental issue or something...

In short, Train sucks. Next character.

Sven Vollified: Like Train, his personality is as consistant as a lightning storm. Okay, he's not AS bad as Train, but he's still sort of guilty of the same sins. Unlike Train, he's generally smarter and more stoic, but he's also a gentleman and he has a good heart. And he smokes, has an eyepatch and dresses like a 1920s gangster, which makes him BADASS! That doesn't sound so bad, does it? And of course, if you're still reading this, then you know what's coming next, don't you? Yep, something bad!

Like Train, Sven also really sucks at his job and couldn't take a single criminal in as well. Don't you love bounty hunters who can't hunt bounties for beans? Not to mention, he suddenly decided he didn't like killing anymore, despite his primary weapon being a machine gun, and also, his prioraties are really messed up. What's an example of that? At one point, he and his adopted daughter, Eve, were fighting a pair of cyborgs during the climax of the manga, when suddenly it was revealed they weren't cyborgs, but robots (but later called them cyborgs again, because consistant writing is for squares)! Upon making this discovery, he said, and I quote, "So, you're not cyborgs? Then I have no reason to hold back."

So, ask yourself this: If you and one of the most precious people to you were under fire by maniacs who would turn you both to swiss cheese without a second thought, would you hold back? After all, what's more valueble; the life of your adopted daughter or the life of the monsters trying to kill her? So, basically, he lost sight of what was truly important and it was never made into an issue. Genius!

Last but not least, let's talk about his weapon! Being a gadget master, he uses a machine gun disguised as a briefcase, which also has various other weapons hidden within it. Sounds cool, right? Wrong! Just hold a briefcase and pretend the barrel of a gun is coming out of it. Now, I bet you're wondering how you plan to aim with that, correct? Well, my friend, you just figured out why it sucks! You see, because the gun lacks a sight, aiming will be almost impossible. To top that, Sven never holds it to his face, so that makes it even worse! Now, if his strategy was to mow down entire crowds, leaving not one man alive in a Rambo-esque fashion, that'd actually be okay. However, it's not; he tries not to kill his foes and he is aware that a target could easily take a hostage. Thus, it's a stupid choice of weapon.

Sven sucks less. Next.

Rinslet Walker: A useless character and a thief. Supposed to be a main character, I suppose, but has no bearing on the plot. Or personality. Next!

Eve: Ah, Eve, the Lolita bio-weapon, where shall I start with her? I suppose I'll start by telling you, the reader, about her, as usual. Eve, as stated before, is a bio-weapon created by sub-divison of the Apostles of the Stars. However, after that division is destroyed by Train and Sven, the latter decided to adopt her as his daughter. Cute, huh? And since she has powers, she decides to use them to become a Sweeper herself.

Eve is one of the most popular characters in the series, which makes my eyes roll so much, that I get dizzy. It's mostly because at the beginning of the series, she starts out as innocent on naive to the world around her, being in insolation most of her life, but then she quickly started to become a rude, snobbish and mean-spirited beast of a girl. Now, this is one of Yabuki's actually successful changes in a character; it happens gradually over time and there is a reason for it happening (increased intellect).

However, did he have to make her so unlikeable? For starters, she acts rude and snobbish to Train for, really, no apparent reason, despite the fact that he did most of the work in saving her from her previous home. Though, while she acts like this towards others as well, Train just gets the brunt of it.

I believe her worst offense was during the climax, when she and Sven were battling the previously mentioned cyborgs, she asks the one she's battling, "Did you chose to make your body like this?" Now, being a clone designed for assassination, Eve didn't chose to give her body the powers, so she figured it was the same case for the cyborg. However, he responded with this; "Of course! Who wouldn't want a body like this?" Then she destroys the bottom half of his body and pile drives him into the unforgiving stone floor, destroying his head, I'm guessing (Did I mention she has an anti-killing policy too? "Consistant writing? What's that?"). So good, when the cyborgs take over the world and eradicate humans, we'll know who gave them a reason to feel discriminated against for being different. It! Will! Happen!

I also hate her because, even though she's 11, she became a sex symbol for the series. Often portrayed on the covers in skanky outfits (i.e. a short nightgown, with a Sven doll being the only thing covering her naughty bits). Throughout the series, she becomes curvier and bustier, despite that there was no indication that time has passed. In fact, she's the only one who looked like she was aging. Don't get me wrong, I'm no prude and it'll take a lot to make me press the Pedophile Alert button, but still... It's creepy, that's all!

And last but not least, I hate her because she's pretty much perfect; not only does everyone she meet love her, but she's also obscenely beautiful, powerful and she has superhuman intellect! Plus, she's a living deus ex machina, with her nano-bots being able to do pretty much anything she wills. Speaking of her powers...

Basically, Eve has the ability to alter her DNA in startling ways, from turning her hand into a huge knife-blade to turning her skin into steel. How is this miracle achieved? Nano-bots in her body! Alright, I'm no scientist, but can nanotech really change your DNA that drastically? Is it even possible to alter your DNA completely? Oh well, even if it's impossible, I guess I can let it slide. What's an exaggeration or two? You'd better get used to it as well; in this world, nanotech can do anything and I mean ANYTHING, from creating weapons out of nowhere, to turning a grown man into a child. You know, science!

For a girl who's very existence is based off nanotech, is it any wonder I call her a living deus ex machina? Since nano-bots can do anything and she can manipulate said nano-bots at will, that makes her as powerful as a god, which in a way, makes her quite literally a deus ex machina. Get it? 'cause that means "gods of the machine", and nano-bots are machines and I compared her to a god. Heehee! Shut up.

Anyways, before I wrap this up, lets look at each one of her abilities and what I think of each individual one, shall we?

Body part where it comes from : Weapon that sprouts from it : My opinion

Arm : Knife blade : Badass!

Arms : Hammer head : Kinda badass.

Arms : Shield : Okay, cool.

Skin : Steel : Awesome.

Back : Angel wings : LAME!

Hair : Fists/Blades : Semi-lame, but can be cool when done right (It wasn't).

Skin : Regenerative healing properties : Okay, are you TRYING to be a deus ex machina?

Nowhere : Any weapon : How the hell is she creating a weapon out of the blue with SCIENCE? Doesn't she need to exhange a bodypart to create a weapon?

Legs : Mermaid tail : Okay, the lameness has overwhelmed me.

In short, Eve is even lamer than Train. You've been a good doobie so far, sticking with me up to this point. Don't worry, I'm only going to get into 3 more characters and these ones won't have much depth in their respective descriptions. Ready? Go!

Creed Diskenth: He's the villain. Need I go into more depth? Okay, fine; he's a dude who basically wants to take over the world and he's using an army of Taoist (who, in this world, have magic powers) to do it. While competent, I didn't find him respectable at all. He was a crybaby and whenever I heard his voice, I kept picturing him sounding like a punk of a child, trying to act tough.

He has the ability to make his tao energy go into a sword-hilt and create an invisible blade from it. Invisible lightsaber!

Also, something very familar about this guy... Aha! Chrollo Lucifer from a far better manga, Hunter x Hunter! The slicked back hair, the jacket, the Satanic symbol (Pentagram for Creed, Peter Cross for Chrollo), the pack of super-powered criminals fighting against a mafia; Yep, same character. Though, unlike Creed, I could respect Chrollo.

Oh and Creed gets away with his crimes unpunished. So, Creed also sucks. Next!

Kyoko: One of Creed's minions, she's a highschool girl with the ability to manipulate heat and fire at will. Though, bubbly and ditzy, she's also a complete psychotic killer, killing innocent people in the most horrifying ways just for shits and giggles. She also had no motivation for what she did, she just decided she wanted to kill people.

However, she later meets Train and falls in love with him, and he convinces her (reluctantly) not to kill anymore. She agrees and Train protects her from the assassins of Chronos who are rightfully trying to take her out.

So, surely she recieves punishment for all the lives she took, right? Does she die in a horrible way? Does she get locked up for the rest of her life? Or does she have to live forever in the Hell she created? None; she goes unpunished and gets to live a normal life. She didn't even so much as repent.

Moral? You can do whatever you want, as long as you eventually stop; your sins will never catch up to you that way. Why did this happen? Because she was the 4th most popular character. So, I guess the beautiful can always get away with whatever they want.

To put it in the perspective, just imagine that you're walking down the street one day. Then, suddenly, I come out of nowhere and start hitting you with a plank! After you're injured a good deal, I come to a complete stop and walk off. No apology. No explanation. No warning. Does the fact that I stopped take away from the fact that I stopped take away from the fact that I attacked you? Does it?! Don't you want justice for what I did? That, my friends, is what it was like.

Kyoko also sucks. She was smug, obnoxious and not a very believeable villain. Okay, last character, then I'm done!

Sephiria: The No. 1 of the numbers, Sephiria is extremely lame is design. She's an average-sized young woman with long blonde hair and a sword. OOOOOH! I know less is more, but seriously? Give me something to believe she is the grand leader of assassins, please! Cybernetic arms, a battle scar, an eyepatch, anything!

Like Train, she's also inconsistant. In her profile, it said she's willing to "dispose of anything and anyone to complete a mission" but in the end, she decides to let Creed go, despite the fact that her mission was to EXTERMINATE CREED! Gah, I'm being told one thing and shown another!

The characters are the worst part. On top of that, the plot is full of padding and constantly foreshadows events that never occur, the series is unwilling to step into the darkness when talking about assassins (they make it clear that Train never killed women or children as an assassin, just ugly old men) and it just rips off so much.

If you just want to watch a bunch of guys with bizarre weapons fight a bunch of guys with strange powers, I guess I could see no harm in that. You could read Scott Pilgrim, though, as that has a much deeper story.

My final conclusion? Black Cat blows! Want to read a good manga? Read Hunter x Hunter, as it is far better than this shit. Or watch Cowboy Bebop. Or City Hunter. Or any other anime or manga that it may have ripped off.