Cyborgs I Hate?

I know. It's been a long time since I made a post. One whole season, in fact. I was busy, what can I say? But, what are you gonna do it? Form an angry mob at my house? Haha! Good luck to the both of you! SOME of us have to watch Samurai Jack and Daria.

Ain't gonna watch itself.

But let's discuss the usual; a manga. This one is called Battle Angel Alita. It's about an amnesiac female cyborg named Alita, who was found in a junkheap by a kind doctor and repaired by him. The story follows her quest in a dystopian future to find out who she is, whether she's a bounty hunter or a player for a lethal sport. Also, she knows cyborg martial arts.

Yeah, this happened to me.

The artwork is really good in the series; it's detailed but not in a distracting way, all the characters have a distinct and memorable appearance, the action scenes are well-drawn, the anatomy is stylish, but structured and the architecture is creative. Many of the characters are really fleshed out and well-written and the plots are engaging. On top of that, I really LOVE cyborgs and the series has no shortage of them.

But... I fucking hate the series. That statement really kills me to say that. Now, after all I gushed about it, you're probably wondering what made me say it; jealousy, perhaps? No, it's for one reason; the titular character, Alita, is SO unlikeable. Yes, it suffers the same problem as Burst Angel (as mentioned in a previous poster). However, while Burst Angel had five characters destroy an okay story, Battle Angel Alita took only one character to ruin a series that was, otherwise, really good.

Gah, I'd kill you if you were real!

First off, she's a bully. In the first volume of the series, she wanted to catch a criminal who was a massive cyborg that took a liking to eating brains and asked some bounty-hunting patrons at a bar for assistance. Being afraid of the criminal, they declined. She did the mature thing and splashed a drink in one of their faces and gave a speech about doing the right thing. When the patrons retaliated, she beat all of them up. So, basically, when people aren't helping you, the best thing to do is to bully them :) Off to a lovely start!

And second, she's a hypocrite. Despite giving self-righteous speeches to all the criminals she hunts, she has no qualms about sheltering a criminal if she's attracted to him (as seen in volume one) or even kill bounty hunters who are after the love interest. Well, non-beautiful people deserve to die anyways. She's also incredibly callous, willing to kill anyone with no qualms whatsoever, threatening people when she doesn't get her way and having no gratitude for the people who try to be nice to her (like the Doctor, who she abandons in the second volume, despite finding her, rebuilding her and sheltering her).

And HONESTLY, I could forgive all of that if it was just treated realistically! I mean, if she were just called out on her bullshit once in awhile or referred to as a schoolyard bully in cyborg form, I could put up with her. The story is aimed at little kids, so we don't need the morals spelled out for us. But no! She's still meant to be the person we cheer for. The man who got a drink splashed in his face at the bar wanted revenge and we're supposed to see him as a jackass, as seen when the Doctor asks "How could you want revenge on an innocent little girl?" Yeah, see the innocent way she murders people. I mean, I found myself cheering for the villains most of the time. It sucks, because in the first few chapters, she's likable. But I guess the writer fell under the belief that strong woman and quick-killing psycho go hand-in-hand.

She's so strong and independent!

It's sad. The man who wrote this obviously knows how to write. The Doctor was a pretty interesting character (kind, polite, but became a bounty hunter because he enjoys killing). And as stated before, everything else was great. But it just fell apart with one key aspect... I hope I can read some more of his work and like it one day. *sniffle* Ah well! Time to get drunk!

An Attempt to Stop Overpopulation?

Greetings, pholks! Ya, I know, it's been a few months. But hey, I just hit a few bumps in the road, so excuse the hell out of me! I had shit to do, dammit! Now, I'm sure all three of you were very sad when I did not post, so here I am now! I'm here to discuss something which I believe was invented by the goverment to prevent overpopulation. This device was under the guise of a child's toy and that toy was known as the Yo-Yo Ball.


Now, lemme let you in on a secret; I suck at playing with yo-yos. Okay, I suck at a lot of things, but yo-yos are pretty high up there! However, Yo-Yo Balls appealed to me because of their function; no matter what, a little mechanism always makes the ball retract. That way, a hopeless moron such as yourself can look like a genius with a yo-yo! Ain't that sweet? Well, here's the catch... I don't know the most tasteful way to put this, but it hits your crotch. Real hard.

That's right. Since gravity still pulls it down to your feet and when it retracts, guess where it hits? Yes, your boys. It's Murphy's Law. Everytime I used the Yo-Yo Ball Crusher, I got hit again and again and again. You see, when your walnuts have been hit enough times, you'll eventually lose their ability to operate. Non-functioning balls means no babehs for you and no babehs means the world's numbers will be reduced. Therefore, overpopulation will cease. Not on my watch! There are less drastic ways to do this!

Or maybe it's just their way of speeding along natural selection by weeding out the people dumb enough to play with this toy again and again... *shifts eyes* YOU WON'T WIN THIS TIME, NATURAL SELECTION! NOT TODAY! Or maybe they just thought it would be funny. But either way, it's a conspiracy!
So, there you have it. I made good use of my two months by making a testicle joke. But hey, my muse is down! Down, I tell ya! But worry not; I swear to all two of you that my muse will be up soon. I just had to give you a little something in the mean time to let you know I was still alive. I just gotta get more booze. Later days!Gotta get my muse on!

I Have a Big Topic!

Mr. Cheese here! Today I shall be talking a great subject of unequaled mass and discussions! My friends, I shall be discussing everyone's favorite punching bag of a song, a teen singer who makes more blood boil than Justin Bieber and Twilight put together! That's right; Rebecca Black's Friday! Hunker down and get a snack, for this is going to be a long one!

... It wasn't that good. Okay, moving on!

Now, gotta find a subject for the rest of the post... oh yeah! How about I discuss an anime series for the first time? Now, a lot of people think I'm an anime nut, but truth be told, I'm not; it's due to the fact that I'm a manga nut and often people may think I'm referring to the manga's respective anime adaptation or they just muddle the two together and correcting them on that compounds their argument further. But seriously, I mostly watch American cartoons. If I'm going to be a geek, I'm going to be a patriotic one!

What series shall I talk about today? Well, one called Burst Angel, of course! Don't worry about spoilers, I only watched 2 episodes out of 24. Now, what made me interested in the series was the intro and the super-catchy theme song. Then I did a Wikipedia search and discovered that the series was about a mercenary group of scantily clad women in the near future of Japan, where it is now legal for civilians to own guns (in Japan, it isn't). Also, the main character has a mecha. Decent premise, huh? Sure, the characters dressed like skanks, but I don't blush at the sight of a navel, so I gave it a shot! Lucky for me, the company that dubs it, Funimation, puts it on Youtube for free.
So, I watched 2 episodes and it sucks. But you probably want me to tell you WHY it sucks, don't you? Well, it all stems from one problem, but it's a huge problem; the main characters are all unlikeable. If a protagonist is unlikeable, a story won't exactly work, y'know? I have to follow this person on their adventures, cheer them on when they are victorious and be sad when they call, not look for a way off the trail, cry when they are victorious and cheer when they fall.

You see, in the two episodes I watched, Kyohei, a college student and aspiring chef is hired by Sei, the "big sister" of the mercenary group to be their chef. When he follows her, he is instantly treated to verbal abuse by one of the mercenaries, Meg, for no apparent reason. Sei does nothing to stop it and Kyohei takes it like a bitch. This series really knows how to make such loveable characters, doesn't it? Anyways, Kyohei is told to GTFO while they contemplate hiring him, but he is kidnapped by their enemies! It is then we are introduced to the champion of bitches, Jo, a girl who's good with guns and has a mecha. She and Meg go to fight the enemies, and rescue Kyohei from them as sort of a side-thing. Meg unties him, but gets kidnapped herself. It is then that Jo sets off to rescue her, towing the unwilling Kyohei in the process. 'Cause, y'know, dragging along an untrained and unarmed co-ed to a fight is a brilliant idea! Her reason? "Meg got kidnapped trying to save your sorry ass. You can at least be a man and try to return the favor." Uh, hello, you guys are the reason he was kidnapped on the first place. All you were doing was cleaning up your own mess, you stupid bimbo.


So, she threatens to kill him if he runs away and barrages him with insults. Y'know, it is possible for a woman to be strong and nice, writers! It doesn't have to be one or the other, y'know? So, in short, they rescue Meg and Kyohei leaves, but not without cooking a meal and leaving an apology note. Yeah, sorry for getting kidnapped by the enemies who captured me because of your doing. Of course, he comes back, but I stopped watching before then. I gave the series two chances and it failed me. Sadly, I don't believe in third chances.

Now, I have established that the girls are no-good bullies who verbally abuse people they wish to ally with them. I'm not saying that all charactes have to be goodie-goodies; it's possible for a character who's an asshole king to be likeable! Just take a look at House, Eric Cartman or Beavis and Butt-Head! Hell, I myself write some asshole characters!
So, how does one make these types of characters likeable? I can't quite answer, but the first thing usually is redeeming factors. Remember, they're just as important as flaws. But then again, there are characters that have no redeeming factors aside from what they DON'T do, but they're still likeable. One of my speculations is that it's the people around them and how the feel; if they call them out on their bullshit, butt heads with them or generally dislike them, then the assholes feel more human and thus, more likeable. No one ever called the girls of Burst Angel out on their verbal abuse or bullying.

Another speculation of mine is that a likeable character is one that you could be friends with; we all have or had that friend who's an asshole, but we love him anyways because he's fun to talk to. But if he's an asshole and not amusing, we dislike him. Or perhaps it's that we see a bit of ourselves in a well-written asshole. Or maybe they're just fun to watch! Again, I assure you the girls of Burst Angel were not fun; they just gave me strong, violent urges.A bit like this.



Now that we have established the bullies of Burst Angel, don't think I'll let Kyohei the cook get away, oh no! You ever meet someone who is such a pathetic pussy that you stop feeling sorry for them and end up getting mad at them because of their patheticness? Yeah, Kyohei is that guy. Despite the verbal abuse, he did not once stand up for himself. Despite being pulled into a martial situation he was in no way responsible for, he did not once protest. And after all the girls did to him, he cooked for him and APOLOGIZED to them. Seriously. Then, he joins them again. Stockholm syndrome much?


I know when you need a job, you have to bite your tongue and take some abuse. Trust me, I'm not that naive. But surely there is an "enough is enough" point, right? I mean, if your bosses insult you repeatedly, bully you, threaten you with violence and allow you to get kidnapped before your first day was even official, then it'd probably be time to find a new job. It's not like he was desperate, either; he just wanted to go to Paris and train as a chef.


So yeah, I get pissed that this guy doesn't even protest and takes it. Because of his meekness, Jo and Meg are allowed to trample all over him. Perhaps I'm mad because this, I can assume, is the character that we, as anime nerds, are supposed to relate to. But shit, even I would have left when the insults began and said, "Sorry, I didn't realize we were still in high school." Even we nerds have our limits. So yeah, I may view it as an insult to me. Yes, we do SO have standards, shut up.

And like the asshole character, the wimp can be pulled off too. My best example when be a character called "Rock" from the series Black Lagoon. Like Kyohei, he is a wimpy Japanese man caught into a martial profession (in his case, it's modern pirates and smugglers) with a crazy gunslinger girl.


The difference? Rock stands up for himself! Utilizing his clever usage of words and cunning mind, he manages to even best his crazy gunslinging partner in arguments and, while he does take some shit, he has his limits. HE is a far more compelling character! He could even be a badass at times.


So, aside from the protagonists, Burst Angel was nothing really special. Animation was good. Premise was okay. Story was okay. Other characters were okay, but by-the-numbers. Character DESIGN kinda sucked, what with the outfits being something not even a stripper would wear in public, but hey, it's anime. All-in-all, it was just kind of bland and the characters were the only real offensive thing about it. But it did have a catchy theme song!

So, there you have it. One big reason was enough to make me hate a whole series. Maybe it got better as the episodes progressed, I dunno, but life is too short to find out. But remember what I said about compelling assholes! For I am a blogger and therefore, I am right. Have a good school year!

The Meaning of Badassery

Badass. By now, a lot of you have heard that term and know that it does not refer to a naughty donkey. It usually refers to a character or person who does crazily awesome things in an insanely awesome way while looking awesome. The word used to have MEANING! But now, I've noticed the word being tossed around so easily, that everyone from the Teletubbies to you could be considered a badass. You used to have to earn that title.

Someone has to take a stand! And by take a stand, I mean write a blog post about it and bitch! Hunker down, as I shall take you to a journey over what it means to be a true badass! (P.S. This is solely my opinion, so don't take everything to heart. But hey, if you didn't care about my opinion, would you be reading this?)

First things first; use of power. Not power itself, but the use of power. If a man with extensive martial arts training uses it to beat up bunnies, he'd probably be an asshole. If, however, he used it to punch Hitler, he'd be a total badass! You see, people often think if you're powerful, you're automatically a badass. But no! They're wrong! Wrong! Wrong! No, it's a matter of your use of it to do awesome things! You can be badass while knowing dick about martial arts or guns; you can be a badass intellectual or maybe even a badass chef!
Oh hell yes!


Of course, SOME people still think you can be a badass with power alone, regardless of the fact that you couldn't catch any baddies to save your life *cough Train Heartnet from Black Cat cough*.

Now, onto the second stage of badassery; looks. Now, originally my argument for this would've been more strict, but due to a compelling argument I had with a person who said badasses don't always need to look tough, I'm a little looser on this rule. We both agreed that there is something to be said about characters who don't look tough, but secretly are...
... But we also both agreed that there's a limit! Just imagine, if you will, that the T-800 from Terminator looked like Wall-E. Yeah, that cute little garbage-disposing robot demolishing biker gangs and chasing Sarah Conner relentlessly. No matter how powerful he is, you wouldn't be able to take him that seriously, would you? WOULD YOU?!Aaaaand my pants have been stained.


Now, there is no denying that badassery comes in all shapes and sizes, from the suave James Bonds to the savage Rambos, but they at least have to have some sort of threat level or coolness in their looks alone. I'm gonna come out and say it; it's a little more difficult for women to pull off than men due to differences in muscle size and sometimes they'll have to sacrifice sex appeal (something the media is almost never willing to do) to look tough, but it can be done! As long as they're cool or threatening, gender differences will not pose as an obstacle.Plus, genderly ambiguous armor doesn't hurt either.


To be the part, you gotta look the apart! Even if you can punch through solid concrete, you can't get away with dressing in a bunny costume.Careful. He's a master of 6 forms of martial arts.


Finally, we come to the last and possible most important aspect of a badass; attitude. The very definition of badass on Wiktionary is, "2.(slang) A person whose extreme attitudes, behavior or appearance are admirable." Yes, being extreme is the basis. More often than not, badass and anti-hero go hand-and-hand due to the lack of a moral code allowing for more awesome things. Badasses can be kind, heroic people, but one thing they'll never be is soft.

As mentioned before, people believe that power is everything when it comes to being a badass. And as I said, they're all stupid and my opinion is nothing short of divine scripture. What sparked this whole idea and realization was when some fellow called this character a badass...

Yes, Train Heartnet from Black Cat. A previous post about the series expresses my rather colorful opinions on the series as a whole, but this needs a special comment. First, look at that guy! Okay, we're not on looks anymore, but still... Okay, about his attitude; he's a bounty hunter who was not ablle to capture a bounty head once. Even with his history as an assassin, he was a pussy assassin who refused to kill women. What kind of assassin is that? A sexist one, I say! Incompetence is one big point taken off the badass-o-meter. He also drinks milk.
Also, he takes too much shit from others; he let a thief blackmail him by treating him to a big dinner and threatening to make him pay for it. A true badass would've pointed the gun at her and said, "I'll pay. But all I have is lead. Sure you want it?" Not to mention, he drinks milk. Finally, he refuses to kill even the worst criminal scum. Too scrict of a moral code takes small points off, but it adds up. Oh and he drinks milk. Seriously, what kind of badass drinks milk?! Name me ONE badass who drinks milk! Go on, do i-... Okay, name two.

So, now you know what makes a badass. At least according to me. Is my opinion nescessarly right? Well, despite what I said, no, it isn't. It's purely subjective. But do remember to use the word with some discrimination or else it will lose it's meaning. Thank you for reading Mr. Cheese's extra-long rant.

She Should Be Strong!

Greetings, my lovely reader(s)! Allow me to tackle a rather large subject today; feminism! Wait, I forgot; I'm a nerdy blogger and the subject isn't something I feel I have the right to touch. Mayhaps I should do what I do best and rant, talk about the media and make bad jokes? That's what I'll do!

Now, I'd like to begin by saying that I love a strong female character as much as the next guy. I mean, I love them as much as I would any strong male character, 'cause it's the age of equality, right? I don't, in particular, mind damsels in distress, especially if the story was made before feminism came into fruition. The only time I really mind is if the damsel in question is SUPPOSED to be strong, but winds up needing a man to save her constantly.

With that being said, some people go a little too far with the aformentioned notion. They get pissed if the strong female character shows even the slightest sign of weakness, if someone with a dick even lends them assistence or, basically, if they're not Joan of fucking Arc. There does come a time where a strong character, man or woman, would not be doable. Allow me to list some examples that the thin-skinned folk love to bring up...

For starters, let's bring up a video game character we all should know, Princess Peach of the Mario franchise! People have always moaned about how this character is such a damsel and needs constant rescuing of a fat Italian plummer with super strength. Why, she should defend herself against the fire-breathing turtle-dragon from hell!I must ask the ranters; what the fuck do you expect? She's a goddamn Princess (and one of a bunch of midgets with mushroom heads). Her entire life has been about being pampered. Hate to break it to you, but Princesses aren't exactly trained in the art of combat. Of course, then when they make it so Princess Peach CAN fight, they whine because she attacks with frying pans and her tears. Well, maybe she should wield an AK47! That'd be more suiting, doncha think?

Or another example would be Ashley Graham of the game Resident Evil 4. She's the US President's daughter and a college girl trapped in a country infested with zombies. Luckily, her rescuer, Leon Kennedy, has already survived one zombie apocolypse and he's a highly trained fighter. But why isn't Ashley herself fighting? What a stupid damsel! RAWR!

Yes, this college-age girl with no fighting expirience whatsoever should be blowing away zombies left and right. Listen; I'm male and I'm of college age. MY untrained ass would be just as helpless as hers. One girl I met said that if she were in Ashley's shoes, she would have at least told Leon to give her a shotgun. Great idea! Give the untrained girl a weapon! That couldn't result in anything bad, like her accidently shooting him in the back. Personally, I'd leave all the weapons to the human wrecking ball called Leon.
One sexy human wrecking ball, that is.

But I digress. Most people simply hated her for the fact that rescuing a hostage ate up valuble zombie-killing time. I understand that. I'm a guy too.

One of my personal favorites is of the love interest character from the series Rurouni Kenshin (as seen in the June post), Kaoru! Now, she is a relatively competent combatant, but not on the league of the male leads, so she ends up becoming a damsel sometimes. Normally, I'd be right with the people complaining, if not for one fact; the story takes place in 19th century Japan. In case you're not familiar with your history, that's not exactly the age of equality, so she wouldn't exactly be trained as much as a man in that era. But again, I digress. I understand WHY people complain; I personally just see no need to moan about it. The author, Nobuhiro Watsuki, never hesitated to stuff a tough heroine in his previous stories, so I think it was a matter of being true to history. I dunno, just my thoughts (like all of this post).

Other examples of over-sensitivity include some webcomics I read where the author was called sexist 'cause he dared to imply two horrible things; women sometimes have sex and women sometimes die. Another guy got it worse off because he had one panel where a woman is in her skivvies and that's enough for his work to be sexist trash. ONE PANEL! It's not like her costume consists of a thong and a bikini top!

So, I think I can wrap this up. The moral? This applies to both women AND men; sometimes there's going to be helpless captees in need of saving and sometimes there's going to be warriors. Both kinds of people exist. In short, people are too quick to pull the "sexist" card. Now, to show I'm not a sexist, I'm going to get myself into a dangerous situation so I can be rescued by my warrior queen! See you next time!

Oh and I should also add that physical power doesn't make a strong character. Just being competent at what you do counts as strength or some shit like that. Just thought I'd say that.

From Gold to Shit

Salutations, my loyal readers! It's been two months since I last spoke, but I have a good excuse; what with finals eating up my time, I hadn't a lot of time to write in my blog. After all, I had some important Samurai Jack to watch! Not to mention, with the pressumed end of the world on the 21st, I was spending some time doing whatever the hell I wanted, thinking I wouldn't have to live up to my actions. Sadly, the world didn't end and I'm facing charges (if I'm caught) for all the things I set on fire.


So, now that summer is here, I can do what I do best; rant about pointless shit! Hey, like your hobby is any better? You're the one reading the ravings of a reclusive manchild during your summer, so I don't wanna hear it!

Allow me to tell you a sad little story. This is the story of a great artist of manga named Nobuhiro Watsuki, and his sudden dive in his work. A dive he has yet to recover from. Now, lemme me inform you of a work of his, a 28 volume series that takes place in the 19th century of Japan called Rurouni Kenshin. I won't go into much detail, but the series was great; it was epic, well-written and had many great moral themes. It had its flaws, for sure, but what doesn't?

After that series came to a close, is there any better way to follow-up then by shitting all over your own talent? This here is about his short-lived Western series, Gun Blaze West. The story is about a little bastard named Viu Bannes, taking place in America during, when else, 1880. He's striving to find the titular location of Gun Blaze West, which is supposed to... Actually, I have no fucking clue, it's never clearly explained. But his reason for it is to "get stronger and see how strong he can become." Ooooh, how original! Just like every OTHER FUCKING MANGA CHARACTER!


And speaking of unorginality, let's get to the biggest problem of the series (which is saying something); the protagonist. Now, Watsuki created a fairly interesting cast, ranging from a hulking armored man with a jetpack and a big black guy who can catch bullets to a Civil War cyborg. Why, in God's name, would you make your protagonist a dime-a-dozen, spiky-haired, happy-go-lucky-and-more-than-he-seems teenager? Just look at this guy!


You know what I said about Goku from Dragon Ball? Forget it. Goku has NOTHING on Viu Bannes. I mean, at least Goku had some unique features about him! This guy... what does he have that sets him apart? If you read as much manga as I do, you'll see nothing original in this character. Also, despite the fact that he has a gun that fires actual bullets, he doesn't kill. God, what is with manga artists and making characters with a no-kill policy wield lethal weapons? I mean, MacGyver doesn't wield a gun. Batman doesn't carry one either. Know why? 'Cause guns are fuckin' lethal! GAAAH!

Apparently, this character was created because Watsuki believed making the main character of Rurouni Kenshin in his late 20s was a mistake and he wanted to do a typical shonen protagonist. WHAT?! Dude, I don't care of the main character is 100! If he's likeable and behaves realistically and has a personality, then I'll have no trouble with him as a protagonist. I mean, if you can make the reader relate to a character who's nothing like them, then that's a sign of good writing. A 28 year old ex-assassin is more relatable than a soulless 14 year old with a revolver.

And the other part about this is the story. Motiviations don't and inconsistencies all around. What exactly Gun Blaze West is is never truly explained. Viu is told by one man that it's a violent place where only the most brutal and evil people survive. One volume later, a sadistic Civil War cyborg is told that someone who revels in violence has no place in Gun Blaze West, despite the fact that the people who wished to enter GBW had to fight their way to it.
Other nitpicky things include when the Civil War cyborg was defeated and he is told that "He was superhuman in name only." Uh, no he wasn't. Superhumans are humans taht surpass average human attributes. I don't know to many people who can shoot fucking grenades and flames out of their hands like the cyborg. Do you?
Oh and when a character was hitting on a 19 year old girl (yes, in the century where marrying a 16 year old was a-okay), he was accused of having a Lolita complex... The guy who accused him of that was obviously a time traveler, for Lolita was a written in the 1950s.

So, not much else I can say about the series other than the flat artwork; it got canceled after 3 volumes and only made it to the States because of the popularity of Rurouni Kenshin. The sad thing is the Watsuki talks about Rurouni Kenshin as if he's ashamed of it. What happend, Watsuki? You used to write great stories and that was mostly 'cause you took risks! This series took almost no risks and that was the biggest problem of all! Did you suffer a tremendous blow to the head or something?

Also what's really sad is that Watsuki went on to write an arguebly worse series than this called Buso Renkin (a subject for another time, perhaps) and then a nothing-special series called Embalming. All I have to ask is this: What happened?

Thus concludes our sad little story of a genius falling. I hope you all have a great summer! If you'll excuse me, I have to cry myself to sleep.

Electronic Stretch Screamers

Greetings! It has been awhile since I wrote about a toy and since I'm in the mood, I feel that I'll talk about a toy that I had little time be with, but it left a big impact on me for all the wrong reasons. These are the Electronic Stretch Screamers. I could not find a picture of all four of the original together because blah. For those not in the know (don't blame you), these toys were foot long monster figures made of plastic, rubber and, well, electronics. The original forms were a Frankenstein monster, a ghoul with the screamer face, a werewolf and a mummy. When stretched or twisted in different ways, these toys would scream, threaten and wail in pain, because torturing things because they're different is fun :) Above: The target demographic for these toys.

Also noteably is the presence of plastic bubbles full of colorful swirly goo in their heads. When squeezed, they would come out of an some hole. For the ghoul, it came out of the mouth. For the Frankenstein monster, out the top of the head. For werewolf, the cheek and for the mummy, an empty eyesocket. So not only would you be contorting their bodies in inhumane ways, but you'd be squeezing their organs out. Now, my expirience with one. Naturally, I bought the ghoul because ghouls rock. My mom would tell me to turn off in public because the thing was noisy as hell. My expirience with the toy was less than 24 hours. Why? Well, someone should tell toymakers that boys toys need to be durable, 'cause we're all a bunch of morons who can't control outrselves. Plastic bubbles aren't durable.

So, one day, I stretched and stretched the bubble, tempting my fate with every cranial squeeze...

And then... Yes, the fucking thing exploded, covering me in red goo. After that, playing with the toy wasn't so amusing. Therefore, I spent about 20 dollars on a gooey explosion. Above: Another victim of the Electronic Stretch Screamers. He still remembers.

That's all! Remember, parents; don't let your child buy exploding toys.