Black Cat

It has been a long time since I talked about any specific forms of media, hasn't it? Well, now I'm going to talk about a certain manga I read that has made me rant and scream for two full years; Black Cat. What can I say? Negativety is fun and unnesscarily bashing things is even more fun than that.

Before we get into the good stuff (story and characters), lets talk about the art. Far as Black Cat goes, the artwork isn't that bad. It's structured nicely and never do characters look different from panel to panel, and everything is nice and 3-dimensional. However, there is one thing that it lacks, one very, VERY important thing; style. Imagine, if you will, a novel which is unmatched in terms of grammar and spelling, where even a thousand editors couldn't notice a single mistake. However, the novel doesn't describe things in a way that keeps you interested, stating only blunt facts in a completely monotone way!

That, my friend, is the art of Black Cat. To be specific, the artwork isn't really drawn in a distinct way, it's just the "manga" style, nothing more. As in, I can honestly say, if I saw some of the author, Kentaro Yabuki's other work, I wouldn't be able to recognize it as him. In short, it's the opposite of Afro Samurai; all structure and no style.

Following that, we'll begin getting into the good stuff. But first, a brief explanation of the story: Our little adventures take place in a modern/fantasy/futuristic fictional world. In the world, there exists an organization, which according to Wikipedia, is "dedicated to world peace," called Chronos. Among the ranks of these peace-fighters are assassins, thugs and even politicians. God knows why you'd have those to accomplish world peace, and why they act like more of a mafia than anything. Gandhi, these guys ain't.

Anyways, the story revolves around former-assassin *cough* er, sorry, I mean "Eraser", Train Heartnet, who was once among the ranks of the "Numbers" assassins in Chronos, his respective number being "13". The story begins with him having cast aside his once bloodshed-filled life for a more good-willed life as a bounty hunter *cough* I mean "Sweeper."

Okay, what's with the lame names for bounty hunters and assassins? I know "Eraser" is used because the assassins "erase" people from existence or some such crap and "Sweeper" is used because bounty hunters clean the street, but bounty hunter and assassin sound, you know, not lame. I'm just sayin', the other two names just sound too primative, like boomstick.

Anyways, back to the story; Train, as a "Sweeper", is teamed up with another Sweeper named Sven Vollified. While not as skilled of a marksman or a fighter as the former-"Eraser" (damn, I feel stupid saying that) he's noteably smarter and has a good idea of how to create weapons. The plot begins when they realize that an organization known as the "Apostles of the Stars" has risen and wishes to rid the world of Chronos and take the grand old Earth for themselves.

Train, of course, is connected to the leader of the Apostles, Creed Diskenth, and in fact, has a huge beef with him. What is the beef?! Well, Creed sliced his friend/love-interest like a pizza and the Sweeper is just a wee bit pissed off about that.

Not to mention, Chronos doesn't just let anyone quit their ranks willy-nilly. In fact, anyone who knows about the organization must DIE! So, on top of being a target-recruit for an old enemy (Creed admires him, despite the rivalry), he's also the target of Chronos, so whether he likes it or not, he's being dragged into the war between the two opposing factions.

Now, you're probably saying to yourself "The story doesn't sound that bad.", but don't worry, a bad writer (Kentaro Yabuki, to be exact) can fuck ANYTHING up!

The worst part about the stories are indeed, the characters. Before we dive into our final destination, I would like to warn you that what I'm about to say about the characters WILL contain *SPOILERS*, so if you're having second thoughts about actually wanting to read the series, do yourself a favor and read no further than here. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Without further adue, I present to you the cast (or, a good chunk of it) of Black Cat.

Left to right: Sven and Train. No, I'll spare you any gay jokes.

Train Heartnet: Often known as the Black Cat and Number 13 (Get it? 'cause they're both symbols of bad luck.), Train was once a well-known Eraser, but a Sweeper named Saya changed all that when she appeared into his life, causing him to often spare his targets. Creed saw this and believed his idol was growing weak because of Saya and killed her in vain hopes that Train would change back to his bloodthirsty self. Instead, Train was wimpified further and became a Sweeper.

In terms of skill, Train uses a custom revolver called "Hades", which he recieved for his rank among the numbers. Each of the Numbers recieves a custom weapon made of a SPECIAL METAL that cannot be broken or warped, under any amount of pressure or any degree of heat(God knows how they were crafted into weapons in the first place, but whatever). He's so good as a gunslinger, he can block bullets with bullets (Matrix, mofo!) and on top of that, he's also an excellent martial artist. So, in short, Heartnet doesn't fuck around.

Personality-wise, Train is a dopey, cheerful, carefree man... which doesn't even BEGIN to make sense, considering as an Eraser, he was a cold-hearted, bloodthirsty monster of a man who couldn't care less about human life! Are you telling me his personality did a full 180 over a couple of years? People change over time, but not that drastically! Did someone switch his meds or something? Or did he recieve a head-injury within that time (which would explain why he wears a collar that has a golden bell on it)? I would've taken those as excuses! 'stead, we get nothing! *pulls hair*

Also, as with all the characters, Train's personality is really inconsistant within the story. As I've said, characters will change over time, but when your character changes drastically on a dime, with no foreshadowing or explanation whatsoever, then all you have is a poorly-written character. For starters, on the first volume of the series (bear in mind, this is no flashback), he holds down a man and executes him out of revenge. The cries of mercy from the man fall on deaf ears as Train pulls the trigger and ends the assassin's life.

This act alone depicts Train as cheerful most of the time, but also shows that he's a stonewall to people he believes don't deserve life. Fair enough, right? Then, out of nowhere, he started not-killing his opponents, even they'd probably get the death penalty if he turned them over to the police. When did he decide killing was wrong? Nobody knows! Not even me, the reader, who's supposed to know, dammit! Also, he's supposedly "sworn by his duties as a Sweeper", but if he gets the itch to let the crook in question go, he'll do it without a moments hesitation, allowing the outlaw to one day strike again. Which also brings me to this...

Train really sucks at his job. You know when I threw a fit about incompetent villains? Well, incompetent heroes are just as bad! Again, I don't expect a hero to be perfect and flawless, 'cause that's boring as shit, but give me a little something, man! Give me something to put my faith into and make me feel the victory was earned! Or at least make me feel he's suited for the job he holds.

How does Train suck? Well, throughout the entire series, he and Sven never ONCE catch a criminal without outside-assitance. That's right, the former-assassin and trained bounty hunter couldn't even catch a dine 'n dasher without help (and I mean that literally) from someone with far less training than either of them. I'm just saying, the Sweepr thing obviously isn't working out for them, so they should consider some other occupation. Failures.

Then, when Train actually does take a foe down, including the main villains, who've murdered countless people, he decides the just thing to do is to leave the right where they are instead of turning them in or executing them. Yep, letting a ruthless murderer who will stop at nothing to achieve is goals run rampant through the streets, free to steal, kill and rape what he wants is what HEROES do!

A prime example of this is when Train is chasing down a criminal who shot Sven's adopted daughter just as a warning to him. The former-assassin states before battle, "I'd rather let a dinosaur run rampant than allow you to roam the streets." And after he defeats him by knocking him out, he just leaves him there. Niiiice going. And another example would be, well, every other villain in the series. Train sucks.

And another thing I have a problem with is, if he's against killing to the point of refusing to do it, why, why, WHY is he using a GUN of all weapons? Guns were made with the intent to kill people. They have no other purpose besides that! Personally, I'd have no trouble believing didn't kill if he used rubber bullets, boxing gloves or some sort of billy club, but nope, he just uses a revolver and regular brass bullets. Seriously, I think he must have a mental issue or something...

In short, Train sucks. Next character.

Sven Vollified: Like Train, his personality is as consistant as a lightning storm. Okay, he's not AS bad as Train, but he's still sort of guilty of the same sins. Unlike Train, he's generally smarter and more stoic, but he's also a gentleman and he has a good heart. And he smokes, has an eyepatch and dresses like a 1920s gangster, which makes him BADASS! That doesn't sound so bad, does it? And of course, if you're still reading this, then you know what's coming next, don't you? Yep, something bad!

Like Train, Sven also really sucks at his job and couldn't take a single criminal in as well. Don't you love bounty hunters who can't hunt bounties for beans? Not to mention, he suddenly decided he didn't like killing anymore, despite his primary weapon being a machine gun, and also, his prioraties are really messed up. What's an example of that? At one point, he and his adopted daughter, Eve, were fighting a pair of cyborgs during the climax of the manga, when suddenly it was revealed they weren't cyborgs, but robots (but later called them cyborgs again, because consistant writing is for squares)! Upon making this discovery, he said, and I quote, "So, you're not cyborgs? Then I have no reason to hold back."

So, ask yourself this: If you and one of the most precious people to you were under fire by maniacs who would turn you both to swiss cheese without a second thought, would you hold back? After all, what's more valueble; the life of your adopted daughter or the life of the monsters trying to kill her? So, basically, he lost sight of what was truly important and it was never made into an issue. Genius!

Last but not least, let's talk about his weapon! Being a gadget master, he uses a machine gun disguised as a briefcase, which also has various other weapons hidden within it. Sounds cool, right? Wrong! Just hold a briefcase and pretend the barrel of a gun is coming out of it. Now, I bet you're wondering how you plan to aim with that, correct? Well, my friend, you just figured out why it sucks! You see, because the gun lacks a sight, aiming will be almost impossible. To top that, Sven never holds it to his face, so that makes it even worse! Now, if his strategy was to mow down entire crowds, leaving not one man alive in a Rambo-esque fashion, that'd actually be okay. However, it's not; he tries not to kill his foes and he is aware that a target could easily take a hostage. Thus, it's a stupid choice of weapon.

Sven sucks less. Next.

Rinslet Walker: A useless character and a thief. Supposed to be a main character, I suppose, but has no bearing on the plot. Or personality. Next!

Eve: Ah, Eve, the Lolita bio-weapon, where shall I start with her? I suppose I'll start by telling you, the reader, about her, as usual. Eve, as stated before, is a bio-weapon created by sub-divison of the Apostles of the Stars. However, after that division is destroyed by Train and Sven, the latter decided to adopt her as his daughter. Cute, huh? And since she has powers, she decides to use them to become a Sweeper herself.

Eve is one of the most popular characters in the series, which makes my eyes roll so much, that I get dizzy. It's mostly because at the beginning of the series, she starts out as innocent on naive to the world around her, being in insolation most of her life, but then she quickly started to become a rude, snobbish and mean-spirited beast of a girl. Now, this is one of Yabuki's actually successful changes in a character; it happens gradually over time and there is a reason for it happening (increased intellect).

However, did he have to make her so unlikeable? For starters, she acts rude and snobbish to Train for, really, no apparent reason, despite the fact that he did most of the work in saving her from her previous home. Though, while she acts like this towards others as well, Train just gets the brunt of it.

I believe her worst offense was during the climax, when she and Sven were battling the previously mentioned cyborgs, she asks the one she's battling, "Did you chose to make your body like this?" Now, being a clone designed for assassination, Eve didn't chose to give her body the powers, so she figured it was the same case for the cyborg. However, he responded with this; "Of course! Who wouldn't want a body like this?" Then she destroys the bottom half of his body and pile drives him into the unforgiving stone floor, destroying his head, I'm guessing (Did I mention she has an anti-killing policy too? "Consistant writing? What's that?"). So good, when the cyborgs take over the world and eradicate humans, we'll know who gave them a reason to feel discriminated against for being different. It! Will! Happen!

I also hate her because, even though she's 11, she became a sex symbol for the series. Often portrayed on the covers in skanky outfits (i.e. a short nightgown, with a Sven doll being the only thing covering her naughty bits). Throughout the series, she becomes curvier and bustier, despite that there was no indication that time has passed. In fact, she's the only one who looked like she was aging. Don't get me wrong, I'm no prude and it'll take a lot to make me press the Pedophile Alert button, but still... It's creepy, that's all!

And last but not least, I hate her because she's pretty much perfect; not only does everyone she meet love her, but she's also obscenely beautiful, powerful and she has superhuman intellect! Plus, she's a living deus ex machina, with her nano-bots being able to do pretty much anything she wills. Speaking of her powers...

Basically, Eve has the ability to alter her DNA in startling ways, from turning her hand into a huge knife-blade to turning her skin into steel. How is this miracle achieved? Nano-bots in her body! Alright, I'm no scientist, but can nanotech really change your DNA that drastically? Is it even possible to alter your DNA completely? Oh well, even if it's impossible, I guess I can let it slide. What's an exaggeration or two? You'd better get used to it as well; in this world, nanotech can do anything and I mean ANYTHING, from creating weapons out of nowhere, to turning a grown man into a child. You know, science!

For a girl who's very existence is based off nanotech, is it any wonder I call her a living deus ex machina? Since nano-bots can do anything and she can manipulate said nano-bots at will, that makes her as powerful as a god, which in a way, makes her quite literally a deus ex machina. Get it? 'cause that means "gods of the machine", and nano-bots are machines and I compared her to a god. Heehee! Shut up.

Anyways, before I wrap this up, lets look at each one of her abilities and what I think of each individual one, shall we?

Body part where it comes from : Weapon that sprouts from it : My opinion

Arm : Knife blade : Badass!

Arms : Hammer head : Kinda badass.

Arms : Shield : Okay, cool.

Skin : Steel : Awesome.

Back : Angel wings : LAME!

Hair : Fists/Blades : Semi-lame, but can be cool when done right (It wasn't).

Skin : Regenerative healing properties : Okay, are you TRYING to be a deus ex machina?

Nowhere : Any weapon : How the hell is she creating a weapon out of the blue with SCIENCE? Doesn't she need to exhange a bodypart to create a weapon?

Legs : Mermaid tail : Okay, the lameness has overwhelmed me.

In short, Eve is even lamer than Train. You've been a good doobie so far, sticking with me up to this point. Don't worry, I'm only going to get into 3 more characters and these ones won't have much depth in their respective descriptions. Ready? Go!

Creed Diskenth: He's the villain. Need I go into more depth? Okay, fine; he's a dude who basically wants to take over the world and he's using an army of Taoist (who, in this world, have magic powers) to do it. While competent, I didn't find him respectable at all. He was a crybaby and whenever I heard his voice, I kept picturing him sounding like a punk of a child, trying to act tough.

He has the ability to make his tao energy go into a sword-hilt and create an invisible blade from it. Invisible lightsaber!

Also, something very familar about this guy... Aha! Chrollo Lucifer from a far better manga, Hunter x Hunter! The slicked back hair, the jacket, the Satanic symbol (Pentagram for Creed, Peter Cross for Chrollo), the pack of super-powered criminals fighting against a mafia; Yep, same character. Though, unlike Creed, I could respect Chrollo.

Oh and Creed gets away with his crimes unpunished. So, Creed also sucks. Next!

Kyoko: One of Creed's minions, she's a highschool girl with the ability to manipulate heat and fire at will. Though, bubbly and ditzy, she's also a complete psychotic killer, killing innocent people in the most horrifying ways just for shits and giggles. She also had no motivation for what she did, she just decided she wanted to kill people.

However, she later meets Train and falls in love with him, and he convinces her (reluctantly) not to kill anymore. She agrees and Train protects her from the assassins of Chronos who are rightfully trying to take her out.

So, surely she recieves punishment for all the lives she took, right? Does she die in a horrible way? Does she get locked up for the rest of her life? Or does she have to live forever in the Hell she created? None; she goes unpunished and gets to live a normal life. She didn't even so much as repent.

Moral? You can do whatever you want, as long as you eventually stop; your sins will never catch up to you that way. Why did this happen? Because she was the 4th most popular character. So, I guess the beautiful can always get away with whatever they want.

To put it in the perspective, just imagine that you're walking down the street one day. Then, suddenly, I come out of nowhere and start hitting you with a plank! After you're injured a good deal, I come to a complete stop and walk off. No apology. No explanation. No warning. Does the fact that I stopped take away from the fact that I stopped take away from the fact that I attacked you? Does it?! Don't you want justice for what I did? That, my friends, is what it was like.

Kyoko also sucks. She was smug, obnoxious and not a very believeable villain. Okay, last character, then I'm done!

Sephiria: The No. 1 of the numbers, Sephiria is extremely lame is design. She's an average-sized young woman with long blonde hair and a sword. OOOOOH! I know less is more, but seriously? Give me something to believe she is the grand leader of assassins, please! Cybernetic arms, a battle scar, an eyepatch, anything!

Like Train, she's also inconsistant. In her profile, it said she's willing to "dispose of anything and anyone to complete a mission" but in the end, she decides to let Creed go, despite the fact that her mission was to EXTERMINATE CREED! Gah, I'm being told one thing and shown another!

The characters are the worst part. On top of that, the plot is full of padding and constantly foreshadows events that never occur, the series is unwilling to step into the darkness when talking about assassins (they make it clear that Train never killed women or children as an assassin, just ugly old men) and it just rips off so much.

If you just want to watch a bunch of guys with bizarre weapons fight a bunch of guys with strange powers, I guess I could see no harm in that. You could read Scott Pilgrim, though, as that has a much deeper story.

My final conclusion? Black Cat blows! Want to read a good manga? Read Hunter x Hunter, as it is far better than this shit. Or watch Cowboy Bebop. Or City Hunter. Or any other anime or manga that it may have ripped off.

Incompetent Villains

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about one thing that most people love in a good story, be it a novel, a comic or a movie; the antagonist.



What is it that we like about antagonists? Perhaps because they create suspense and no good story exists without it? Maybe because, despite their nasty ways, they have philosophies that make sense? Or maybe, just maybe, we're secretly evil and want someone to relate to?

Whatever the reason, baddies are awesome. That's not to say I don't like heroes, I just appreciate a well-written villain.



Now, this is just my opinion, but from what I've learned and have seen for myself, antagonists always and I mean ALWAYS need to meet two requirements, be they human, animal or even something non-sentient. What are the requirements? Well...



1. They should be competent. Whatever it is they do, they should at least be good at it. That's not to say they should be perfect and never make mistakes, but they should be at least competent enough to let you know they don't screw around.



2. They should be a big enough threat. Whether they can break you physically, mentally or emotionally, being a threat creates suspense and a story without it is one that won't keep you interested, for then you'll know full well who will come out of the battle on top.



I have to ask; what is it about those requirements that are so hard? While most villains, setting aside saturday morning cartoon villains, can obey the requirements, I've seen a lot of them who will make me laugh because of how pathetic they are.

I've seen many of these villains do things like lose their spine and become pushovers during the final battle, die in an anticlimactic way, basically trip over their own feet, make an incredibly stupid choice or, worse yet, when they're nothing more than a comic foil.



Take, for example, in Twilight, the villain named James. Ol' Jimmy is a vampire (or Sparklepire, as people who are not fond of the Twilight series would call them) who loves hunting exotic prey for his din-din. Unfortunately for our heroine, Bella Swan, she happens to smell like Kobe beef to vampires and James has his eyes set on her, so it's up to her vampire boyfriend, Edward Cullen, and his family to protect her from being sucked dry by Jimmy. I'm intimidated.


Sounds badass, right? I mean, SURE, he sparkles, but by that time in the book, you really wanna see Edward and Bella get torn apart, right? Plus, he also has superhuman strength and speed and he's supposedly more powerful than the heroes, right? And he shows it by totally breaking Edward in a one-on-one fight. Sadly, he was no match for a deus ex machina... the Cullen's arrived, and with ease, tore him apart and lit him on fire. Not so tough when outnumbered seven-to-one, huh, bitch?!

If he was a competently written villain, who would have done one of three things...

1. Had help. He traveled with two other vamps, including his girlfriend, and he knew how many Cullen's there were, so he should have considered that an ambush was possible. If he had his companions aid him, he may have gotten out alive.



2. Realize he was being overwhelmed and flee. Not the most dignified route, but it would have been smart and all is fair when you're being ganged up on. It'd give him later chances to ambush our heroes when they're alone or grow stronger in order to fight them all off.



3. Fought them off tooth and nail. I just gotta say, if you're going to have your villain lose because he was outnumbered, you'd better have him put up a REALLY good fight. And I mean, the heroes have to operate like a single machine in order to even get a single strike on the bastard! That'd let your reader know that the villain doesn't fuck around!



So, James was disappointing. Aside from the boring and annoying characters, the plotholes (or craters, if you will), the romance that's as healthy as cancer, the horrible plot (or, lack thereof) and great violations of the "Show, don't tell" rule, THAT is what made me hate Twilight!





Another example would be a villain from the famous manga, Naruto. I'm not going to name him, for I don't want to give anything away (despite the fact that I hate the Naruto), so I'm just going to call him O. Basically, O was a very powerful villain, who even successfully took down one of the most powerful characters in the series. Far as villains go, he was pretty cool; he was interesting, threatening and was pretty good at what he did. Why do I mention him? Well, later in the series, he's bed-ridden and sickly and he gets decapitated by one of the most obnoxious characters in the series instead of getting a well-deserved final battle.

This isn't so much as an incompetent villain, as it is an author who has no respect for his villains. Seriously, it's like if Darth Vader broke his neck getting out of the tub. Just not a suiting demise for a badass baddie, y'know?



See what I mean? Those villains did have SOME cool traits, but due to bad writing, they didn't get what they deserved or became laughably incompetent. In short, show more respect to the villain! He's there to create suspense, you know.



I apologize if the grammar isn't the best or if I rambled on a bit, but I'm a little addle brained after vacation. Thus, I'd like to conclude this rant about stuff. See'ya around!

We All Start Somewhere

I'm going to let you in on something: I love to write. While I pretty much enjoy anything, my fondness for writing stories grew more than anything. Will I ever show you any stories via this blog? Maaaaaybe.

Now, as anyone can tell you, even the greatest of writers had to start somewhere before they started writing anything good. If you've ever written anything, what was your first story like? Was it stupid as all hell? Was it full of plotholes? Was it loaded with popculture references? Or was it so angsty, your emo friend would read it and say, "Dude, lighten up." Well, my friend, I'm happy to say, my first story, Travels of the Warrior Maiden, had all those! Heehee! Shut up, it's in the past!

Anyways, I'm about to take you on a journey, way back before I actually wrote down the ideas I had, back when I was a teeny, tiny boy whose age was in the single digits! My friend, this is the story of a 2nd grader's brainchild: Lasersquirrel. Yes, you heard that right; Lasersquirrel. If that name is not enough to make your mind explode with the sheer amount of awesome, wait 'til I tell who and what he is.

But before that, a brief history: Like many children at that age, I only used my brain for one reason, and that was because I was being forced to use it by my NASTY teacher! How dare she make me think?! Anyways, we were assigned to create some sort of creature, and as a result, this horrid abomination popped out of my head...

Lasersquirrel, as his name suggests, is a squirrel, and a damn happy one at that! He lived in a tree with his parents (never moved out, the lazy bastard), until one day, EVIL SCIENTISTS kidnapped him and took him back to their lab. What did they do to him, you ask? Why, what any scientist worth his money would do; put him into a full human-shaped bionic body, of course!

Now, for the record, I made this in the 90s, when the Pokemon craze was at its most prominent (and if you weren't a fan, you were LAME!), so naturally, I had to rip it off somehow. So, I decided I would rip off the beginning of "Pokemon: The First Movie" in my own epic masterpiece.

LS, realizing he's now a cyborg, blows the crap out of the lab. Whose bright idea was it to give a bionic body to a wild animal? Dumbass. Anyways, Six Million Dollar Squirrel returns to his home only to discover that his parents were killed by *duh duh DUUUUH* POACHERS! Yes, apparently, a band of poachers thought things like ivory and crocodile skin were worthless and decided that the real money was in the squirrels!

Aaaand, that's really as far as story goes. I only wrote, like, one page of "comic," and that's cause my teacher made me. Damn you, school system, does your evil know no bounds?! Oh and he also had two allies (a cyborg gopher and a cyborg rabbit), but who cares about them? They suck!

As a litte bonus, I'm going to tell you a little about our cybernetic rodent: Physically, Lasersquirrel looks like a large, bipedal robot with a triangular body, pointed feet and razor sharp claws on each of his hands. On top of his body rested a glass dome filled with some sorta liquid (water, enbalming fluid, maple syrup), where his lil' squirrelly head floated in the center. To be honest, when I drew his head, he looked more like a cat, not to mention, he had no mouth nor does he have a nose; as a matter of fact, his eyes were replaced with a visor.
What's keeping his head from bobbing to the top of the dome? Uhm, shut the hell up, that's what.

Also, I should add, when he was put into the bionic body, his torso was slipped into the metal torso and his head was removed and put into the dome. 'cause, y'know, that makes perfect sense.

He's a cyborg, so naturally, he'll have some cool abilities, right? Right! On top of his incredible strength, he also had kitchen knife-like blades instead of fingers (Edward Scissorsquirrel), cause claws are much more practical than fingers. Also, true to his name, he can shoot LASERS from his eyes! Which stops being cool when you realize he's wearing a glass dome, and therefore, would severly impare his aim.

An' who are his antagonists?! Bear Bio-Tank? The Missle Shootin' Fox? Well, I never wrote antagonists; at that age, I had no respect for an awesome villain, and as a result, never wrote one. So, it was just the brooding, bionic squirrel...

So, why am I telling you this? I've no idea, actually! I was just thinking about it and I realized you should never ignore your past, because it lets you know how far you've come and (insert other cliche line here). So, yeah, I hope you enjoyed learning about my brilliant creation.

Thanks for readin'!

Oh, and did I mention he fed off fish?

Introduction/Afro Samurai

Hello, there! Welcome to my humble little blog! I'm some guy and I'm just starting this, so expect a lot of mistakes. I'm here to talk about stuff, and mostly what I'll bring up are my opinions on said stuff (especially comics) or whatever happens to be on my mind. These aren't really reviews. Just some guy's thoughts on topics. So don't take these too seriously. I know it's hard, considering I'm a genius, but just try, okay? Good.

For now, I'll start things off with a bang and talk about a manga that has been on my mind for quite some time: Afro Samurai.

Now, assuming you haven't heard of the manga/anime/videogame, you want to laugh at the title. You, the average person, is probably thinking something among the lines of "Afro Samurai? Is that some sort of blaxploitation crap with katanas?" Hehe, not really; it was made 30 years too late.

Afro Samurai takes place in a world, as described on Wikipedia as,"Futuristic, but feudal Japan," where there exists two headbands, simply dubbed as the "Number 1" headband and the "Number 2" headband. And the one who wears the No. 1 headband pretty much gains the possition of a god, and the only one who can challenge the current No. 1 is the one who wears the No. 2 headband. However, anyone can challenge No. 2, and in a world of assassins, it's kind of a bad thing.

Both the manga and the anime have the same basic premise: the titular character of the series, simply named "Afro," witnessed his father, the current No. 1, die at the hands of the former No. 2, a gunslinger named Justice. The goblin-like gunslinger casts aside his No. 2 headband, which Afro collects, while vowing to take revenge on Justice.

What am I getting at, you ask? I'm about to talk about why the manga SUCKED and why the anime was far better. First, we'll get the negative out of the way, shall we?

Let's start with the art of the manga; it blows. Don't get me wrong, I'm not some prude who points out the tiniest mistakes in anatomy, but even I know crappy art when I see it! I mean, to describe it, the anatomy was horrible and not very consistent. I know manga takes liberties when it comes to how the human body looks, but at least make it look like your character has a skeleton! Plus, the art was kind of, for lack of a better term, scritchy-scratchy. In short, it was all style and no structure.

But surely I can forgive not-so-good artwork if the story is good or the characters are awesome, right? Ahahahaha, boy, do I have a treat for you! Plot-wise, neither the anime, nor the manga were much in the way of the plot department, which is basically Afro's quest to find Justice, and the many fights that get between him and his revenge, so there is nothing really to say about said plot.

Let's move onto characters, shall we? Our "hero," Afro, is an extremely horrible man. Why do I say that? Is it because he's full of spite and revenge? Is it because he's recluse and unfriendly? Or is it because he's extremely brutal to those who've wronged him? Nah, that'd only make him an anti-hero--and I love those. Afro is actually pretty evil in the manga, and the part of the story that made me think that was when he was being ambushed during a parade by assassins. What's a brave hero to do?! I've got it; grab an innocent bystander and use him as a meatshield, causing him to die horribly, slowly and painfully! Heroic?!

Then, when confronted by a really powerful assassin, what's one to do? Of course, running into an ally helps. But then you're being distracted the sister of your meatshield, who's crying and asking you why you killed her brother. Oh, and by the way, she can't walk and fell out of her wheelchair. Guess what he does? Bakes her apology cookies? Wrong! Wheelchair-bound meatshield time! So, yeah, he uses her as a shield too, throws her at the assassin and decapitates them. Amazingly heroic! You gonna eat an orphan next?

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't expect a protagonist to be a do-no-wrong goodie-goodie, but come ON! Give me a reason to cheer for him! Give him flaws, but give him redeeming qualities too! If I'm cheering for the bad guy, it better be because the baddie is a badass and a well-written character, not because the hero is even worse.

Let's take a look at some other characters now; Afrodroid. As you can guess, Afrodroid is a robot meant to look and fight exactly like Afro, and he appears in both the anime and the manga. What's to complain about a robot, you ask? Two words; penis gun. When the robot's skin is torn off, he reveals a skeletal structure, much like the Terminator, but the manga decided to class it up by adding a special gun between the legs. Sorry, I know this is trivial, but I find it hard to take a villain seriously when he has a penile projectile! I'm just saying, it's kinda creepy. Next!

Okay, last one I'm gonna talk about; Justice the gunslinger. Physically, Justice is a lanky man in an outfit resembling that of a cowboy and his weapons are, you guessed it, dual revolvers. Oh and he looks sorta like a goblin, with a horrible complexion, bad teeth, pointy tears, a long chin and a hooknose.

On the manga, what's his personality like? I don't know, because of the little surprise that the author, Takashi Okazaki, decided to leave us readers. What I'm about to tell you will give away the ending, but chances are, you don't really care, but just in case, I'm spelling it backwards. (Spoiler: Ecitusj si ydaela daed). If you read that, then isn't that nice? Mr. Okazaki decided his readers would love it if we were cheated out of a climax! When I read those pages, I swear I heard Okazaki say, "You want a climax? You want a final battle? Well, fuck you, you ain't gettin' one!"

I cried. Okay, not really, but I was frustrated! Now, I must admit, it did catch me off guard, but that doesn't mean it's good! If that's the case, why don't I write a story about a slice of cheese with superpowers? And I don't mean a comedy, I mean a serious story! What? You say that's a horribly stupid idea? Well, no one has ever done it before, so that mean's it's good!

See where I'm getting at? Afro Samurai the manga was just unpleasant; the bad art burned my eyes, the characters filled me with rage, and the ending left me feeling empty and soulless.

But, there exists one gem! Afro Samurai the anime mini series and Afro Samurai: Resurrection. See, from what I remember, before the manga was written, Okazaki and his friends created figures of his characters and sold them just for fun, until an anime produce came across them and decided to do some work to make the anime, writing along with Okazaki and, you're gonna love this, Samuel L. Jackson (who played Afro).

What's better about the anime and the anime-movie? Well, the fights are a lot better and it's easier to tell what's going on, the characters have more screentime, so we get to see them fleshed out, the artwork is really good, and since it's a mini series, the animation is top-knotch! Not to mention, Afro is still kind of an asshole, but he at least has some form of human decency! Yay! Last but not least, we got a climax.

As for Afro Samurai: Resurrection, that was pretty awesome too.

So, there you have it, I told you about how a pile of crap was turned into a chest of gold. I hope you enjoyed reading this and entertained you just a little bit. This is my first post, so it's probably not very good, but I hope I at least am somewhat decent. Catch'ya later!